Lately, the day-to-day struggle has been overwhelming. I’ve been dating someone I care about for over a year, and I’m currently living with her and our two small dogs in her condo here in Wisconsin. But last night something hit hard: she got upset about my job situation and everything I still need to do. And the truth is, I’ve been battling something I don’t know how to fully explain. I struggle with task paralysis. When too many things are added to my plate, or when someone keeps telling me what I should be doing, something inside me freezes. I’ve even learned there’s a term for it — pathological demand avoidance — where the more pressure I feel, the harder it becomes to take action. My girlfriend is a planner. A micromanager. She means well, but when she starts going over my “to-do list” and adding more items, my brain sends out a panic alarm. I feel the anxiety rising, even though I’ve gotten very good at hiding it. She keeps explaining why I should have no excuse not to get things done… but that only makes it worse. I know what I need to do. I know the steps I need to take for me. But sometimes it feels like the more pressure I get, the more I shut down. And that’s when the dark thoughts try to creep in. Not actions — I’m completely safe — but the “Why bother? Why try? Why am I here?”kind of thoughts that come from feeling overwhelmed and not good enough. The truth is, life has hit me hard the last few years. I lost my marriage, my home, my family, and my career identity. I’m trying to rebuild. I’m starting over. And I’m doing it while trying to find a new career after 20 years as a data engineer — a field that has changed so much that I feel like a relic sometimes. I haven’t updated my cloud skills, and I’ve been out long enough that rejection feels like the only thing I’m being trained for. I can’t control who calls me for an interview. I can only control the applications I send. But every application feels like another chance to be told “no,” and that wears on you.

I have had a dream of sharing my story in hopes of inspiring other men and raise awareness of the importance of mental health. At my heaviest I was always the biggest guy in the room, and I just wanted to be invisible, and felt like apologizing for my existence. I don't need the accolades and the haters don't phase me. I feel the pain behind the hate and can have empathy for them. Somehow I feel it is a fear of success, and I can not seem to wrap my head around that.

A safe place to ask, share, and receive encouragement. This space exists for the moments when you need guidance, clarity, a listening ear, or a little extra support. Life gets heavy, and you don’t have to sort through it alone. Here, you can bring: - Your questions about mental health - Something you’re struggling with today - A situation you need advice on - Moments of overwhelm - Decisions you’re unsure about - Or anything you simply need to talk through Nothing is “too small,” “too much,” or “not important enough.”If it’s on your heart, it belongs here. How to Use This Space • Ask anything you’re comfortable asking. You’ll be met with compassion, not judgment. • Share at your own pace. Long posts, short posts, check-ins — everything is welcome. • Offer support when you can. A kind comment can mean more than you know. • Be gentle with others and yourself. Everyone is fighting a battle we can’t always see. A Few Things to Remember - We can share tools and perspective, but we don’t diagnose or replace professional care. - If you’re in crisis or in danger, please reach out to local emergency services or a crisis hotline immediately. If you are in the United States Dial: 988 - This space is here to help you feel heard, supported, and understood — not to pressure you or push you. Whatever you’re navigating right now, you don’t have to do it in silence. We’re here, walking with you, one honest conversation at a time.