Is anyone else tired of the constant bombardment of noise, the click this, buy this, look here, watch this, always pulling and pulling and stringing you out further and further. It leaves this feeling in my soul, an asphyxiation. It feels like a deep sea fisherman dragging a trawler, dragging everything that it means to be alive, to exist, to feel deeply, to be truly present, to suffer and to be in joy up and out onto the surface level where only superficial things can be experienced. I am caught in this net and I know it. I see myself partake in behavior deliberately to lose the moment because it is painful. I know this pain is beautiful. This pain is the oxygen that my soul cries for. But the feed has me, surfing from one fix to the next.

It's wherever you find it. Here is some, perhaps in an unexpected place! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_l0r5_vYnE&list=RD1_l0r5_vYnE&start_radio=1

A trigger is a notification: Similar to the red dot notification on our feed, the trigger remains until we begin to acknowledge and read it. We have several choices: 1. Ignore 2. Distract ourselves (with socializing/avoiding, TV., doom scrolling, substances, etc.) 3. Read, acknowledge, and process it 4. Blame the messenger and give them the power over our emotion The emotional reaction/response we feel as a result of a person's actions or behavior are showing us the crack... The crack is where the pain from the past seeped in that made us feel a certain way. This often resulted from a 'conditional' love response, from a parental figure, that was not consistent with our desire and need. And so the subconscious loop begins... as our inner child continued to attempt to seek and receive the the desire or need. This invites similar characters, in different suits, into our lives to continue to play out that script. As we become more conscious/aware of the root, it can ignite a dark night of the soul. The initial cracking of that protective barrier is uncomfortable. This can sometimes feel, in the moment, even more painful than the ignorance. Substantial change can be, at the very least, 'uncomfortable,' because it is 'unfamiliar.' The ego may desire to cling to what we know, what is predictable, and what we believe to be true. This may cause one to retreat, and yet, it's practically impossible to go back to 'sleep' after we're 'awake.' The choice is ours to lean into that pain and truth.... Evolve or repeat. This can come with grief, for who you have been, who others' in your life have or haven't been to you in relation to the shadow. It may require a tremendous amount of forgiveness within ourselves. It calls us to give ourselves the unconditional love that may not have been modeled, received, or desired. The truth is, we have choices on what we invite, tolerate, and allow. That 'work' of acknowledging, feeling, releasing, and re-patterning takes effort, support, and a whole lot of grace and self-compassion.