Talk to Yourself! The Conversation Could Be the Answer!

I had the longest conversation with myself on my the way home from work today. I may have mentioned this already, but I work at a tavern part time. Every so often and because it is a mile up the road from my current residence, I will walk to work or home from work whenever it strikes me. Well, earlier tonight, I decided to do just that... and low and behold, what is basically in my far-sighted peripheral face the whole walk home? 🌝The Scorpio Full Moon in all it's Flower Moon glory! And with me being a Scorpio and my moon being in Virgo, I felt the need to have the deepest, transformative conversation about the "imperfections" of my transformation into not just the evolvement of my person, but also with the nagging notion of this apartment complex that I've been pulled to apply for an apartment for.

Why is so pertinent to the story? Well... I'm SO glad you asked! 😅 For the past few weeks, I've had this pull and resistance to apply for this apartment across the highway from where I currently live. To give context of relevance, my healing journey had to consist of alleviating trauma that was caused by my mother whom I currently live with. Now, of course nothing against her, but there have been some changes in our relationship that has just brought me to a point to where I know and realize that I cannot reside under the same roof as her (under the pretense of caring for her as my father passed away shortly before the pandemic) and progress in my own healing journey (which consisted of not just trauma recovery, but also addiction recovery) has brought me to a point to where I cannot become the person I need to be directly living under her roof. This is some of the reason for the push/pull to get this place.

The previous was one aspect perspective of this moving situation. Another context of relevance has to do with the uncertainty that if I get this place, will I be able to maintain financial stability to sustain the rent. It's weird because I am worried about that to a degree, but something else (???) is telling me that even though I don't know the answers as to how that is to come about that it will... here's the odder thing about this: I'm not sure if that's my gut, my mind, or my heart telling me that...but something within feels solid about that notion... ...and that personally scares me!

Now, this is where my Virgo moon comes in...because this is a part of me that I can surround my inner self-critical perfectionistic side to. I'm fighting this side of myself that feels that a full-proof plan has to be in place for me to move forward while I'm fighting this other side of me that is wanting to let go and just see where the street of this situation takes us (me)... and I guess I should mention that I have a Mars in Leo that surrounds this energy... 😅(such a hot mess I am... 😆).

As a spiritualist and one who does pay attention to certain aspects of astrology, I mention all of the previous to briefly discuss the conversation I had with myself through the full moon on the way home. Throughout this conversation (mildly out loud as being that I was walking next to a highway and alone at night), I was asking questions along the lines of "what are my answers?" and "what am I supposed to do?" and "is this aligned with my purpose?"... and though I didn't quite get a clear audible "Yes, Kenny...This is the answer to...whatever", I did replay certain parts of my own conversation shortly before I started this post. Thus bringing me to the title of this passage.

I was talking quite loudly with myself on my walk home. No camera. No social media. No other person that was walking with me and no other person that I met along the way home. Just me and my own existence with the world going on around me as I was having a conversation about getting an apartment, which led to other aspects of my life that I was questioning...and though I'm not going to go quite into those details, parts of that self-conversation gave me answers to other questions I had about other things going on surrounding my life as well as others that I had considerable consideration for. And shockingly enough, as soon as I got home, I had a plan of action for the next couple of days that's going to surround me applying for this place I've been looking at for weeks as well as what I can do to help with my mother once I move out...as well as what I plan to truly manifest and accomplish once I am able to have agency over my residency.

All of this because of a conversation I had with myself. It doesn't seem much, but trust when I say that there is more to my personal story that I haven't mentioned, but my full point is this: My questions weren't answered within the conversation I had with myself...so much as my questions were answered by the conversation itself. What do I mean by this? By the time the conversation with myself was over, I realized that the underlining theme of everything I was saying to myself was something I was doing all along: trusting myself. In much simpler terms with the surrounding context: intuition. 💚💚💚

The conversation I was having with myself was me showing myself that I can trust myself when it comes to the betterment of myself and what aligns with me. One would say that this is something that you learn to do with yourself as you continue to heal yourself from the traumas you had or the narratives you told yourself about yourself. But that's truly subjective for everyone, even though it is also something possible for everyone...healing themselves, that is. Taking the time to have a conversation with myself gave me a chance to really look at things a little differently about my way and direction of life. It gave me reminders of time I had already achieved so much and overcame so many other obstacles that it made no sense that I couldn't trust myself to do something great for myself... ...like living under my own roof.

We're told to love ourselves so that we can love others. We're told that we can't learn to be with others until we can learn to be with ourselves. We're told that we can't treat others well until we learn to treat ourselves well. What's so wrong with taking the time to love, be with, and treat ourselves well...by taking the time to talk to ourselves conversationally the way that we would take the time to talk to others conversationally? Maybe we could find the answers to ourselves if we did that every so often when we find ourselves alone and able to do that without judgement to ourselves. It may be (and we may look) a little crazy while we're doing it...but even the crazy are successful in their own authentic ways! 💚💚💚

I know this was rather lengthy, but if you made it this far, thank you and I love you! 💚💚💚

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