Differentiating between ambition and a trauma response?

Lately I’ve been having these cycles of extreme shame… some weeks are a solid flow state where i feel motivated and productive and more of the version i want to be and other weeks I’m not. I have a hard time coping with certain emotions maybe and i let them get the best of me? I feel my feelings get the best of me quick and my mind is already 10 steps ahead before i even catch the behaviors i am doing.

I have high very high expectations for myself and I put so much on my plate because i want to succeed badly(like a never ending to do list)… but it’s almost like it’s not even ambition because i make these goals so unattainable for the state of being i am in if that makes sense. For ex: I’ve started a new workout routine plus probiotic diet and even the littlest of a cheat meal or off day i have I judge myself. It’s hard for me to understand if it’s ambition or a trauma response to trying to be perfect. It’s like a reinforcement to the shame stored within me.

Any advice on ways to cope from self loathing would be much appreciated ❤️

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Differentiating between ambition and a trauma response?