9d • General discussion
Emotional Eating and Why it Happens (a bit long)
Today I wanted to post an email I sent out to my email subscribers, that I thought some here may find useful. Sorry for the length, I had a lot to say.
It’s been one of those days.
Work was a joke, your boss was on one, you snapped at your partner, the house looks like a toy store exploded…
Next thing you know, you’re standing in the kitchen, half-present, half-zoned out, looking for a little relief in a bag of chips.
That’s emotional eating.
Totally common. Totally human. But if you’re trying to lose fat, feel better, and stop starting over every Monday…it’s also one of the main anchors holding you in place.
Today I want to walk you through three things:
- Why emotional eating actually happens
- How to tell physical hunger from emotional hunger
- What to do instead (without giving up food forever or becoming a monk)
Why emotional eating happens (you’re not broken)
Your brain is not a villain. It’s just efficient.
At some point it learned:
“When I feel stressed / overwhelmed / lonely / bored…eating something tasty = instant relief.”
Food gives you:
- A hit of dopamine (feel-good chemical)
- A distraction from whatever feels heavy
- A sense of control (“I can’t fix my day, but I can eat this”)
So the next time your day goes sideways, your brain runs that same play:
Bad day > Kitchen > Snack > Tiny relief > Repeat.
The problem?
That 5–10 minutes of relief keeps turning into:
- Extra 300–800 calories
- Sluggish sleep
- Waking up frustrated and saying, “What is wrong with me?”
Answer: nothing is “wrong” with you.
You’re just using food as your primary coping tool…and that tool has side effects when you’re already carrying more weight than you want.
Physical vs emotional hunger (super simple cheat sheet)
Here’s a stupid-simple way to tell which one you’re dealing with.
Physical hunger:
- Comes on gradually
- You could eat a real meal (protein, carbs, fats)
- You can usually wait 20–30 minutes
- You feel it in your stomach
- After you eat a normal meal, you feel satisfied (not guilty)
Emotional hunger:
- Shows up suddenly (“I need something NOW”)
- Craves specific foods (chips, ice cream, chocolate, etc.)
- You’re often not hungry but restless
- You feel it in your head and chest (anxious, buzzing, numb)
- After you eat, you feel relief → then regret
So next time you’re hovering in front of the pantry, ask:
“Is my stomach hungry… or is my brain looking for a break?”
If it’s your stomach, cool—let’s feed it. If it’s your brain, we need another play to call.
What to do instead (no, I’m not taking your snacks away)
I’m not going to tell you to “just have more willpower.” If that worked, you wouldn’t be reading this.
Here’s what I teach my guys instead:
Step 1: Create a 60-second pause
Before you grab the bag, buy yourself one minute.
Literally say (out loud if you need to):
“I’m not saying no. I’m saying not yet.”
Set a 60-second timer and check three things:
- How am I feeling right now? (stressed, angry, lonely, bored?)
- When did I last eat a real meal?
- If this wasn’t in the house, what would I actually need?
Often, just naming the emotion drops the intensity.
Step 2: Build a “non-food decompression menu”
This is key: You can’t just remove food as a coping tool. You have to replace it with something.
Make a short list (5–10 items) that take 5–10 minutes and give your brain a micro-reset:
- 5–10 minute walk outside
- Hot shower
- 10 deep breaths in another room
- 5 minutes of stretching
- Stepping outside alone for a minute of quiet
- Journaling one page of “brain dump”
- Calling or texting someone
This list should live on your fridge or in your notes app. When the urge hits, pick one thing from the list and do it before you eat.
If, after that, you still want the snack? Have it—but now it’s a choice, not a reflex.
Step 3: Plan your comfort food on purpose
I’m not anti-chips. I’m anti-accidental 900 calories.
So instead of “white-knuckle all week then explode on Thursday,” we:
- Decide when and how much comfort food fits your week
- Make it part of your calorie budget
- Put it on a plate or in a bowl instead of eating from the bag
You go from:
“I blew it again…”
to:
“Yeah, I had chips tonight. They fit my plan.”
Massive difference.
Step 4: Track the pattern, not just the food
Most apps track what you ate.Almost nobody tracks why.
This is where we get leverage.
For one week, every time you emotionally eat, jot down:
- Time
- What happened before
- What you felt
- What you ate
After a week, you’ll start to see your “danger zones”:
- After work
- After kid bedtime
- After fights
- On certain workdays
Now we’re not guessing. We’re building a targeted strategy around the exact moments you keep getting pulled into the pantry.
Why this matters more than “just one snack”.
Here’s the uncomfortable truth:
It’s not about one bag of chips. It’s about the identity and the pattern:
“I’m the dad who can’t handle his day without food.”
That identity is what silently builds the gut, the low energy, the brain fog…and the version of you that doesn’t have it in him to play when the kids ask.
I’m not okay with that for you.And I’m guessing you’re not either.
If you want help breaking this cycle…
This emotional eating pattern is one of the biggest things I work on with busy dads.
We don’t just “tighten up the diet.” We:
- Build a structure that makes emotional eating way less likely
- Keep your favorite foods in the mix (without the guilt and blowouts)
- Set up simple rules and tools so you’re not starting over every Monday
And here’s the thing:
What’s cheaper in the long run?
- Staying stuck in this cycle for the next 5–10 years (more weight, more stress, more meds, more doctor visits)
or
- Investing a few months to learn how to eat like a grown man who can handle his life without annihilating the pantry?
It’s not even close.
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Emotional Eating and Why it Happens (a bit long)
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