Why can self-love feel so hard, even when you truly want it?

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Hey guys🤍

If you have ever wanted to love yourself more, speak to yourself more gently, or finally feel at peace in your own presence, be okay with sitting in silence with your own thoughts... and still noticed resistance, this is for you.

For a long time, I thought self-love was something I just had to “do better.” Like I needed to be more disciplined, more successful, more positive. But what I started realizing is that many times, the difficulty is much deeper than that. Sometimes your brain is still trying to protect you.

Because if you learned to survive through self-criticism, overgiving, shrinking, or constantly questioning yourself, then self-love can actually feel unfamiliar. And what is unfamiliar can feel unsafe, even when it is beautiful - our brain and nervous system couldn't care less about what is better, they only care about what is "safe".

So the resistance does not always mean you do not want to love yourself. Sometimes it means a part of you still does not know that it is safe to.

That realization changed so much for me. It made me stop asking, “why I always do or say something hostile to myself even tho I really want be loved?” and start asking, “What part of me still believes it is safer not to?”

If you found yourself in this post, I would love to hear from you🤍 What do you think has made self-love feel hard for you?

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