How to Turn Your Self-Scrutiny to Self-Attunement

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1d (edited) • 🧠 ADHD

If you're anything like me, when you walk into a room full of people you don't know, you have a tendency to overanalyze your words, tone & body language before you even allow yourself to speak.

I would often freeze & be unable to say anything unless explicitly asked. I would fumble over my words, and I'd kick myself when I did finally speak and it came out wrong.

In part, this has been a form of rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD).

In my experience, my RSD has come from my own head. I would literally reject myself before anyone else ever had a chance to.

Sure, I can attribute this to many moments across my childhood and teenage life where speaking up DID get my rejected. But nowadays, it's actually quite rare that someone else explicitly rejects me.

It's almost always ME rejecting me.

But recently, I learned that I don't have to do that. (I know, DUH! 🤦‍♂️😂)

Seriously, though. Self-rejection is a choice.

And it's one I had full control over—𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵.

Self-awareness is the key here.

Now, it's my job to notice the body signs when I start to freeze up. My throat constricts, my shoulders round forward, and my body shrinks a bit.

When that happens, it is a sign telling myself: "This is a chance to choose courage."

Rather than scrutinizing every word; rather that scrutinizing over other people's body language and their reactions to me; I put that focus and attention on the signs my body is showing me.

When I notice the shrinking, I actively choose to open my shoulders and sit up taller.

Repeated over time, this tells my nervous system that it's OK to take up space. It's OK to shine. Other people's reactions don't need to mean something about me. I don't need to abandon myself just because someone else doesn't like something I did or said.

(Most of the time, I don't actually even KNOW if they didn't like it; my inner-critic makes assumptions based on their reaction and body language and I scrutinize myself based on a made up story I have about their reaction. lol!)

I invite you to do this with me; next time you notice that voice of scrutiny about your own behavior, ask yourself: "What would it look like to choose courage instead of self-rejection in this moment?"

🫠 I reject myself before anyone else does

😬 I freeze or overanalyze in social settings

🧠 I’m becoming aware of my RSD patterns

🦁 I’m practicing choosing courage & taking up space

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