Rage means you’re not holding the line

I’ve been sitting with Celia’s post and my response in the comments about compassionate accountability. I wonder if my adaptive teen was calling for more patience, which is not what this moment calls for. Let me walk us thru my discernment.

When I work with parents who deal with anger at their kids, it points to lack of sufficient boundaries - parents are doing too much. I help them raise the expectations of their kids to do more, reduce their expectations if it’s unrealistic, or better tolerate their children’s feelings. Hold the line.

This is the work: to expect more from our white/passing/system upholding siblings since they are the lynchpin to turning the tide. Model the compassionate accountability by managing your internal rage and not put it on their body nor hold it in yours. Put the rage onto the system we’ve been taught to uphold. Channel the energy of the rage by clearing your ancestral grief. Then harness that cleaned out energy to use elsewhere. Call in and move forward.

The key is to hold the line with our more privileged siblings to act. They can do it and need to if they want to live. They are responsible for upholding the system that harms them, as are WE if we rage and harm each other.

Emotional, psychic, and physical harm on other bodies replicates the trauma of oppression. In judgment and blame, we make ourselves big.

Cycle Breakers, we need to be strategic with our energy and focus on amplifying the light by joining the communities who will protect and act alongside us. That’s what we’ve been building capacity for this week in all the groups. It’s been amazing to hold that container for you. 🙌🏽

Build capacity to believe you are worthy of being protected from the expectation of perfection or the “right way” things should unfold. Build capacity for freedom and being loved for who you are right now.

When we turn our attention and energy to pour into the communities/people already doing the work, those willing to put their bodies on the line to protect each other we amplify our power and heal the trauma of colonialism-the belief that one group of people should claim full access to the resources over another.

Pour your time and attention building that community/people who cherishes and protects you there, rather than convincing those too scared to believe you to take action.

Do you see the dynamic here from your childhood? Trying to pour into a parent to see that you are worthy of protection from their negligence or abuse, enables them to continue the dysfunctional behavior of neglecting and abusing themself and you.

When you withdraw your energy and attention, they are left alone and invited in to do the work of reparenting themselves, or not. Love is freedom. Freedom means each person can choose for themselves.

Cycle Breakers do not judge and villify. Instead, consider creating space (rigid boundary) from them in same size and put yourself in spaces where you feel loved. The space opens up the possibility of what is unfolding. When we try to control the outcome, we uphold the system that there is one right way/one right person.

Withdraw your attention to what is not working, turn towards what is, and live there in beloved community.

Glad you’re here alongside us.

In love & solidarity

Judy

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