While wandering haphazardly through the lower east corridor, I discovered a door. It had previously been hidden behind a stack of treasure chests which had very recently been knocked to the floor and their contents strewn about. They appear to all have contained DVDs starring Patrick Swayze. So after kicking a few Roadhouses aside, climbing piles of Ghosts and slipping on the treacherous footing provided by Dirty Dancing, I made it to the door. It was blocked by some Point Breaks and a To Wong Foo, but I managed to shift these and pull open the entrance. Inside was a stone circular room, small in diameter but tall as a silo with a high ceiling and a central pillar towering above. Shelves lined the walls fully, from top to bottom, and a trio of large bookshelves stood in the middle around the pillar. All surface space was taken up by various and varying objects, like a huge tombola of mystery. I found a doll with its eyes replaced by glittering amethysts and an extra one added to its forehead, and also a novelty pen (it features a picture of a regular goblin, but when you tip the pen upside down it becomes naked!!) I have left the room open and cleared a path through the Patrick Swayze classics so that anyone may enter and see what they may find.

The latest set of hatchlings have broken out of the gargoyle turret-top nursery. "The Unweathered", as they are sometimes referred, are currently reeking havoc in the upper quarters of the castle and being pursued by increasingly agitated nursery staff. Mistress Chisel-Hand (head nanny) is appealing for anyone who knows the whereabouts of the nursery cupboard key, where the baby catching implements are stored, to please get in touch with a member of staff immediately. "We don't stand a chance of catching the little blighters without our stone magnets, echo-lure tuning forks and bowls of enchanted rainwater" she said. This season's batch were particularly strong and mischievous it is reported. If one confronts you, they can sometimes be subdued and discouraged from crushing your head by saying their name in a gravelly tone whilst rubbing two pebbles together. Unfortunately, they are almost impossible to tell apart, so the advice is to cycle through the list of names until you spot some change in demeanor. This season's little ones are.... Sir Flapjack the Heavy Mumblecrust Hover-Belly Snort Gargle the Puddle-Drinker Glump the Spatula Crumble-Horn Squint Good luck.

I hear there is some sort of sports ball contest occurring just outside the castle (though in a high security fort that is really picky about whom might be allowed in, to watch or participate). The winners get some sort of wooden cup, which is a metaphor for Christ, or possibly a metaphor for how cheap the organisers are. One of the two. I believe the Three Lions team is pretty popular amongst many of the castle residents, despite them being literal lions with little understanding of sports. Do we have fans of any of the other teams? I'll try to sneak around the back and climb on top of some bins to see if I can report on any of the games.