A Goutbegon family feud has developed out of jealousy at the money Edwin#1 is making from his Castle Tours / cart arrangement. Edwins 2 & 3 have have each been trying to get their own ingenious schemes off the ground to get a slice of the action. As you can imagine, Edwin#1 is not happy about this and in an effort to combat this has been installing poor badger facsimiles around the Castle. These are easy to spot though, as stilts are at a premium so he has been using all manner of substitutes like penne pasta, toilet roll tubes and strands of frozen sorrow. Expectations are that Edwin#2 with some kind of steroid enhanced mega-mole tunnelling ruse will not be able to compete with the Edwin#3 enterprise of a slug greased zip line, strung from the western quad attic to the back wall of the cafeteria. What makes the zip line scheme so devilish is that the wire will pass within a few feet of the badgers face, with each resident being strapped into a harness provided small gifts with which to temp the badger and a megaphone with which to shout their questions as they rocket past. The only downside of this marvel currently is working out how the residents can reduce their post question momentum, as current calculations suggest they will have insufficient time to hear the reply before they are slammed into the wall and meet their end. These teething troubles may prove insufficient to prevent Edwin#3 from selling tickets however.

@Jason Arnopp I believe Diego Thunder, Magical Bread-Weaver of the Savoury Furrow, has a universal protection in place, given the enormous importance of this forthcoming delight.

@Gregina Biscuits maybe what you've discovered here is one of the long rumoured "Goblin Booty Rooms"? @Jason Arnopp have a look at your "research" when you're done with it?

@Gregina Biscuits Maybe you could adopt a new strategy and abandon the message board and polite requests for more 🪠's ? I've discovered that many 🪠's can be found in 🚾's, both 🚻, usually next to a supply of 🧻around the 🚽 Some people may feel aggrieved that you wish to steal their 🪠, especially if they have had a big 🌮 and are queuing, expecting unpleasant 😬 💥 💩, but if you take 🧌with you, you shouldn't get any trouble. That's Colossal Simon there btw in case you were wondering. He's a lovely chap, but colossal.

@Jason Arnopp @Gregina Biscuits His behaviour is to be expected. You don't get to be Colossal without eating all the black velvet crumpets and anything else produced by the sweat of Mrs McGhoulash's dainty bee-like feet. This, I would like to remind you, is the price of protection. Having said that, I can understand if nobody is rushing to his aid, given that with all those black velvet crumpets inside him and the inevitable accompanying levels of bee-like feet sweat, he is a stinky son of a bitch.

@Gregina Biscuits Is this gaffer tape from the same supply as last time? That proved to be less effective than hoped at securing Wulfric Goatmagnet's feet to the Whispering Hydrangea of Regret, made as it was from haddock wings. Some kind of cheap knock-off I'll wager. We can't have flaming bits of Arnopp, or indeed Lady 'self, going hither and thither for all to see.

@Gregina Biscuits Frog hair...fancy! That's the good stuff. You spoil us! I'll see if I have any Cursed Gothic Black Pudding left over from sports day. As you know, newts are terrified of this.

Old Uncle Beetroot was always good for a tale or two of his time working as a Stone-Whisperer in the ancient hatching fields. Some names I remember from his stories are: Lord Murder-Beak Spire-Scum Stone-Loaf Realm-Squealer Sneeze-Weasel Nether-Terror Gutter-Sprout Thrump the Vile Stump-Saver Infernal Keith

@Jason Arnopp Little rascal. They never really grow up, do they?...Thank the Christ....It would be completely terrifying if they did. Can you imagine...bicycle today, tuk-tuk tomorrow, then Lord only knows.