*Trigger Warning and PSA* · Brotherhood Of Scent

*Trigger Warning and PSA*

My apologies for being a bit quiet the last few days. The winter storm has put a damper on everything, and it's been a sad week

One of the girls who goes to the same high school as my goddaughters went missing on Thursday. After an exhaustive two-day search, her body was found last night. The police reports and the family indicate that she took her own life and had been dealing with depression. She was the same age as my youngest goddaughter and had the same name, so it's kind of hitting close to home for me.

I am a very open and honest person about my life. I made a decision when I began to improve that I would never turn away from talking about these issues. I have struggled with depression all of my life, and I have survived multiple attempts to end things. The very last time was the one that changed my life. I had been sober for a year, and my parents rewarded me by offering to pay for me to go on vacation. I was really struggling trying to understand my new reality and facing life without the self-medicating I had been doing. So I decided that I would go to San Diego Comic-Con, since it was a major bucket list item, and then I planned to make that my goodbye and end things there.

My mom gave me a camera to take pictures. And while I was there, I ran around with that camera, taking pictures of my favorite artists, writers, performers, and (most importantly) hot cosplay girls. I decided, after talking to so many creative people, that I wanted to find that in myself. And I had a Copernican Revolution in the way that I viewed the world. I realized that I owed it to myself to find that creative spark within me. I came home, and I took my first camera class, and 23 years later, here I still am.

I have a tattoo on my left wrist. I got it on the 10th anniversary of becoming a full-time photographer, and, coincidentally, the 20th anniversary of my sobriety. The semi-colon has become a symbol of survival. It reminds me that the sentence isn't over. There's a second thought that needs to be expressed, related to the first. The story continues. It's modified with an aperture - a symbol of the thing that saved me.

My heart goes out to the family of this girl. She will never get to find that thing that sparks her. She will never get to know what the universe had in store for her. And her family is left with devastation and overwhelming grief in her wake. They will never recover, only survive.

If you, or someone you love, is experiencing a crisis, there is help. You are worthy of being here, and the universe has need of you. I promise there is more out there. The greatest sadness is that the disease of depression will trick you into not wanting or seeking out help, when it's the very thing you need most.

988

https://988lifeline.org

It's the number for the National Lifeline. I have a great friend who works there and takes many of those calls. She or one of their staff will be there to listen and to help. You are worth saving. You are worth being here. You have value, and you can get through it.

Thanks. I'm going to be offline for a little bit, but I promise I'll be back. DM me if you feel the need to check in.

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