Numbing/distraction based bypassing happens when we use constant stimulation to avoid emotional discomfort. Examples include: endless scrolling, binge watching, over-consuming content,staying constantly entertained, snacking, gaming, working, cleaning, checking notifications..the list honestly can be endless... None of these *have* to be inherently unhealthy, but when they're used as avoidance of dealing with our own things, then they can become problematic. Some can became *really* problematic if they lead to addiction. WHY it develops and PSYCHOLOGICAL Components at play Strong emotions activate the sympathetic nervous system and can feel overwhelming, so distraction povides immediate relief by shifting attention from that discomfort and it works towards "soothing" the system. -avoidance (sense a theme here?) -nervous system regulation : High stimulation (scrolling, gaming, multitasking) can override anxious activation ; Sedating behaviors (binge watching, overeating, alcohol, zoning out) can dampen emotional intensity. Short term relief.....but it will rebound. It always rebounds because we haven't really addressed what's there -dopamine loops: who doesn't like a little dopamine to spice up their life? -constant input leaves little room for reflection: if your mind is always occupied, difficult emotions have fewer opportunities to surface. Silence becomes the thing to avoid, but....silence will come and these will resurface. -Protective dissociation: in more intense cases, numbing can involve emotional detachment. In cases like this people can feel flat, disconnected, 'checked out', strangely calm in situations that normally evoke emotion. -culturally, constant stimulation is normalized. Being busy or entertained rarely raises concern and a lot of times it's encouraged. GOOD NEWS: Numbing can quickly reduce distress which in some moments we really do need. Having mental breaks can help pevent emotional overrlaod and can help with coping during challenging times. When used intentionally healthy distraction can give the nevous system a break, can interrupt rumination cycles, can help restore enerrgy and can povide relaxation and some moments of happiness. Occasional relief is needed, chronic avoidance is not.

Some fun for Monday: I was just at my part-time job, helping a kid make a craft while reflecting on how tired I am of teaching English here (another one of those evenings, haha), when, by chance, I read a wise quote from Dr. Seuss' "The Lorax" (a story from my own childhood) on a worksheet: "UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not." It's not exactly an epiphany, as I already knew that, at least to some extent, but seeing it right there in front of me, on an elementary school level English language worksheet, was sort of enlightening in a sense. I suppose little quotes like these, often stumbled upon by chance, help motivate me to keep working hard and going forward. Any quotes and/or lessons from kids' books that you like? 😁

Okay, this one is super normalized and it's also praised! People don't typically criticize others for being productive so it ends up being something that's reinforced and socially rewarded. There is A LOT to be gained from someone that is in 'productivity' mode. WHAT it is: when we use activity, goals, and constant motion to avoid emotional stillness. WHY it develops: -It's a form of avoidance coping: instead of sitting with feelings we redirect into action and action feels good. Movement feels safer than stillness. Staying busy reduces the space where emotions would normally surface. We end up filling the silence because silence threatens our 'peace'. -It's also a way to regulate dopamine: achievement gives micro-hits of reward. Checking tasks off creates temporary relief from anxiety or emptiness. This feels good. It feels really really good! -It's used as identity armor: productivity can become "proof" of worth. "If I'm useful/needed/high-achieving, I can't be rejected". Performance based worth is rough man.. unfortunately it's reinforced through praise. -It's a way to try to restore control: When life feels chaotic/unpredictable/uncertain, organizing tasks and getting things done feels more certain and feels like it restores a sense of order. GOOD NEWS: When used intentionally, productivity can provide stability during intense emotions, prevent rumination spirals (yes please!), build resilience, create momentum, strengthen discipline and offer a healthy outlet for nervous system activation. Sometimes “just get up and do something” is exactly what we need. NOT SO GREAT NEWS: When productivity becomes chronic avoidance we end up not actually processing the feelings. Relationships can also suffer because althoug we may be physically present, we are also emotionally absent (disconnection..). Burnout also becomes inevitable. This is because there is a difference between intentional productivity and reactive/avoidance productivity. Self worth becomes performance based and this is a slippery slope into depression. Stillness and rest become "unsafe" and trigger a sense of restlessness and anxiety. Super fun times.

How many of you have caught yourself saying "It is what it is" or "Everything happens for a reason" or maybe distracting yourself with "being productive" or with busying yourself in some way in order to not sit with a feeling that may be uncomfortable? I know that I have. And sometimes it feels really good to do so--it can be easy to justify especially if it seems really productive. Below I go over emotional bypassing (what it is, types, the benefits, the drawbacks). **The video below is pretty informative :) ** **I plan on creating a future post for each type of emotional bypassing throughout the week, so this is just a brief overview*** What it is: Emotional bypassing is any strategy we use (consciously or unconsciously) to sidestep uncomfortable inner experiences instead of fully processing them in the moment. Why it exists (the positives!): Most of us have engaged in emotional bypassing and at some point in life because itwas smart, protective, and necessary. Often times associated with emotional survival (especially in unstable environments) -It honestly can help us function during stress and can help us from emotional flooding -It can help us maintain a level of social harmony and connection (if our emotions overtake us, it's hard to be attuned to others) -It can buy us some time until we're actually ready to process and creates a temporary sense of emotional control; think of it as a 'time out' for ourselves When it's problematic: Bypassing becomes harmful when it shifts from temporary (protection) to permanent (avoidance). Emotions that aren’t processed don’t disappear. They loop and remain below the surface 'stuck' with nowhere to go. They benefit from a healthy way out. Common Types of Emotional Bypassing (I won't go too much into detail with each of these because there will be future posts dedicated to this, but thought I'd lay them out. Do you see yourself engaging in any of these?) 1. Intellectualizing : Turning feelings into analysis, explaining instead of feeling, overthinking emotions, trying to “solve” feelings logically (I am SUPER guilty of this one! )

Okay, this productivity "hack" has been kind of a game changer for me the last few weeks and thought that I should share it.:) Maybe you're familiar with it and maybe not, but it's certainly something to consider if you're looking to have better focus with your tasks and get those tasks completed more efficiently! @Wesley Penner has been having group working sessions every weekday in his group Executive Skill Journey and I've benefitted every time that I've joined. The allotment of time, the structure, and the accountability piece have been so helpful! :) Wesley also has some really thought provoking posts! (Wesley, please feel free to share more about this in a comment if you'd like) ------------------------------------------------ “Working in sprints”/Time blocking is kind of like interval training, but for your attention. Instead of trying to be productive all day, you focus your energy in short, intentional bursts of time. STEPS: 1.Choose ONE specific task (what's your intention for the next __ minutes?) 2.Set a clear time block (ex: 20–60 minutes) 3.Remove distractions 4.Work with full focus until the timer ends 1. Take a real break before starting again (In Wesley's work groups, we get together virtually and work together but separately--this added "observer" effect has been beneficial for me, but you don't need to have the camera on. Just knowing that others are working along side has been helpful). Why this works so well: - It lowers overwhelm :you only have to face one small window, not an endless to-do list; that's nice - It reduces procrastination : starting feels easier when it’s “just one sprint.” - It builds momentum: finishing a sprint creates a quick win and that is satisfying! -It respects your brain: focus naturally comes in waves, not all day long Sprints can also create permission to rest. When you know a break is coming, your nervous system stops resisting the work which is a very nice feeling and it helps calibrate the nervous system. You don't have to be in constant grind mode, but rather in focused attention mode. There's a decrease in stress with this.