It’s absolutely and completely crippling me, and one of the biggest things I’m struggling with. I’m gonna be super open and vulnerable here, and so I do apologize for any rawness or negativity. Growing up, I’ve always been small. Smallest dude in my family. Playing sports I was too skinny. I got muscle, then I was too short. I lost weight from grief, and now I was too short and too skinny. I struggle with really really bad body dysmorphia, and it’s one of the reasons why I rarely send pictures of myself or my outfits here, because of how harshly I judge myself in them. I think the main reason it stems, though I’m no psychology expert, is from feeling helpless, tiny, and worthless as a kid. Growing up with a neglectful, covertly narcissistic dad, I was his golden child. And so love was conditional. I did one thing wrong, silence for days. My family, they had titles for us. And so desperately I wanted to be seen. To have something that separated myself from the rest. Whether it was athletics, music, anything, I was desperate to be seen for who I was, instead of an extension of my dad. I was so sick and tired of being ignored. Being told my reality wasn’t real. And being gaslit. And having seen and experienced a lot of physical abuse myself, and being powerless to stop it, and stop it against those I love, hurts me too. My stepbrother and I were both physically picked on by my dad. And when my stepbrother hit his growth spurt and grew to six foot two, he got left alone and my dad stopped hurting him. But I stayed the same height, and size, and where I was. And so it didn’t stop for me. Now this was long ago, and I escaped it. I stood up to him finally and built a life for myself. I’m safe now, and away from all of it. But it still hurts me. And honestly it stems in this insecurity about my height. I’m the smallest guy I feel no matter where I go. The gym. Church. Church especially. There’s this mold for how guys are supposed to look like. And they’re always tall. I don’t mean to sound like a victim saying this. But it’s frustrating feeling like you won’t be someone’s first pick.

My buddy Steve Giles called this color of gaberdine trousers Cary Grant grey. That made me chuckle but I get it. This classic deep double forward pleat is a staple design that I picked up several months ago from him. I am wearing it with a Brooks Brothers wine shirt, cashmere socks and my 1982 Alden Shell Cordovans. Cheers

Sunday was the second day ofrgw Scandinavian Festival held at The NorthWest Auditorium. This picture was taken outside the auditorium just before we left for home in Ohio. I thought the statues of the boys playing hockey was neat. I am wearing red trousers, walnut Chelsea’ boots, a pink oxford shirt, a blue knit waistcoat, the red cowboy tie in a bow and a blue linen flatcap..

Twillory black performance dress shirt over grey Vertx pants. Black Anson belt with silver buckle and black Tecovas boots. Invicta Dive watch and Jean Paul Gaultier Le Male Intense.

I've been assembling this outfit for 6 months, getting ready for the cruise. I've never worn the shoes nor the jacket (and vis-a-vis never worn the full suit), and I've been researching the details during this time. The shoes are a real pride find: RLPL by Crocket & Jones white bucks, never worn. They are certainly very limited use items, but I went into the purchase with eyes wide open in that regard. Got lots of compliments around the cruise ship on the outfit, with several men knowing it was seersucker. Sadly, however, the formal dress for most men was a polo shirt while the women (the same couple) were in flowing dresses. Thanks to @Chad Smith and others for the idea of the accessory pic. I've got the leather carry again as I went out after dinner to do some work as the family rested up. Here are the details: Dressy Dinner: Mediterranean Cruise • Dress Shirt — DS-044 (Charles Tyrwhitt): White non-iron poplin with French cuffs in a slim fit. The semi-spread collar at 5" spread accommodates a variety of tie knots while the adjustable square-edge French cuffs allow for cufflink presentation. Cotton construction with excellent stitch density (5/5) ensures crisp formality for a dressy cruise dinner. Color formality at maximum (5/5). • Slacks — SL-024 (Brooks Brothers): White and mid-blue seersucker in the Fitzgerald fit with high rise. Cotton weave provides breathability for warm Mediterranean evenings. Features button/hook & bar closure with slanted pockets and dual rear button pockets. Part of a matched suit with SJ-015. Medium break with moderate drape. • Suit Jacket — SJ-015 (Brooks Brothers): Matching seersucker jacket in white with mid-blue stripes – the perfect summer dinner attire. Single-breasted 2-button closure with 40% lining for warm-weather comfort. Rope and padded shoulders with high armholes for a sharp silhouette. Notched lapels with single rear vent. Mother of pearl (or similar) buttons with cream wrist buttons (4 per sleeve). Left slanted chest pocket and paired flap hip pockets.