@Aseel Himeidan I'm sorry to hear about those difficult experiences sis. While it is challenging to heal in the environment that made you sick, it is not impossible. I can't give detailed guidance on the how - a trained therapist or counsellor would be better suited for this as it would require working with them for extended periods of time to get to the root of things. But somethings that stand out for me: 1) people cannot see the future, only Allah swt can. did Allah swt tell you these bad things will happen? if no, then disregard what "people" say. I have an analogy i think about often- if you were walking down a street and a trashcan smells really bad, you don't stand there and argue with it to smell better, you walk away as quickly as possible, right? same with trashy people. 2) not giving power to other people's words. eg if i said to you, there are unicorns in the sky- you don't second guess your reality, your response might be to wonder what i'm on 😅 People say all sorts of things, doesn't mean we believe them. What people say is simply information about who they are, not what is true/ false. once you internalize that idea, it becomes easier to detach from this type of dynamic. May Allah make it easier for you to stand in your own power and purpose that He swt granted you.

@Aseel HimeidanWa iyyaki sis 💗 Ameen!! and inshaAllah :) May Allah swt ease our tests and make our journey home to Him beautiful and meaningful ❤️

One of the most important things i'm working on in this era pre-marriage is emotional regulation. not taking on other people's emotions, esp things like insecurity, anger, anxiety etc. I am hyperaware of other people's emotions, which can be a strength in some contexts, but also harmful if i'm not clear on my boundaries. so the inner emotional work is near the top of my list. I am also recognizing the I have to learn to meet my own social, emotional and spiritual/ religious needs. nobody can do that for me. and it's too much pressure to put on a marriage/ spouse. they deserve the best of me and in order for me to show up as such, I need to nurture myself 🌻🥰 that's what I'm focusing on in deen and dunya. and it has been so so liberating. i no longer shrink myself because other people are intimidated by my intellect, I walk away instead of engaging with emotionally immature people, and i most certainly do not hand trust over to people who haven't earned it. 💗 Alhumdulillah for this part of the journey

@Habibatul Aulia

This is such an important topic to discuss openly, esp with the youth of the ummah. I see people getting married without an understanding of their rights and obligations?! Like how can I sign off on a contract without understanding the terms and conditions.. ? Unfortunately the move towards individualism in culture bleeds into religion and that’s where a lot of the self centred approach comes in. Therapy speak gets weaponized often as well. Lack of proper knowledge is the foundation of all such ignorance imo. I’m focusing on gaining a better understanding of Islam on that front (currently watching a YouTube series, I’m sure there are plenty of free resources for this!) so I don’t fall in that trap. There will always be people who weaponise faith and people who don’t follow real Islam, hypocrisy etc.. Focusing on that is a waste of your time. I cannot change other people. I’m finding myself asking ‘what can I do to protect myself from that cultural nonsense?’ Seeking knowledge is a good start :)

It’s so sad that the cultural stigma of divorce overshadows fairness and Islam in so many cultures. That doesn’t have to be your life ❤️May Allah grant you a loving, generous and righteous spouse.

Wa alaikum salaam! Happy that you’re here :) May Allahswt ease your search and grant you afiya 🥰