Today was my first day back at work after 8 months. As I was driving to work this morning I kept thinking about how different my work commute will be from now on. I felt so many emotions and I thought about what T says. Of how life doesn’t stop, how life continues and how we will learn to live with the pain. At work I was welcome backwith lots of love. I am so grateful for everything I have in my life. For all those who surround me and show me nothing but love. One day at a time.

I hope everyone is having a beautiful Sunday. As we are always being told in group, focus on the good more than the bad. It’s windy here in southern Cali.

Is it ok to still feel like I can’t get out of bed some days ? Last week was one Years since my husband committed suicide. I also have a profoundly autistic 28 year-old son that I take care of. So the exhaustion is real, but I just wonder what is normal anymore.

Today I went on a long drive through the woods after we had that session with Toni and Andrea. It felt so good to be out there with no reception, away from the city. At some point I ended up at an abandoned house. The house was destroyed and vandalized. As I walked back to my car I saw a plant🌱 / flower 🌺 just sitting there in the middle of an open field. This reminded me of how life can be beautiful again. How life doesn’t have to stop after losing my son. It was a reminder that in the midst of all this pain and chaos I carry inside my chest, there is still hope and beauty in me as well.