That’s a powerful shift—and not an easy one, because most learners have been conditioned to see results (grades, wins, performance outcomes) as the only thing that matters. To change that, you’re really trying to reshape what “success” feels like in your classroom or team setting. A useful way to think about it: don’t just encourage feedback—make it the goal of the work. Redefine what “succeeding” looks like - If students or athletes believe that success the only possible result, they may avoid the risk of trying. Instead, explicitly define success as “I care more about how you used feedback than how this turns out.” Then reward the act of asking for feedback... Most people don’t naturally seek critique—they avoid it. So when it's asked for or accepted you should acknowledge it immediately: “Great question—that’s exactly what good learners do.” Use language that shifts identity. Small wording changes matter more than they seem. Instead of: “Who got it right?”Try: “Who changed their thinking?” Make reflection the final step—not the result for criticism. End activities with: “What did you learn from feedback?” or "What will you try differently next time?" This makes improvement the closing moment, instead of focusing on the grade or score. Ultimately then the core mindset can start to shift from a Judgment model: “How good am I?” to a development model: “How am I getting better?”

Knowing when to walk away. Many youth spend more of their formative years in a sport or sports. Often it becomes their social hub, their outlet, their focus and their world. But there comes a time when not every kid is going pro. They get injured, age out or life changes (ie) going away to school, or a job gets in the way, financial constraints or lack of opportunities at their age or gender level...Finding away to prepare them for that, without sacrificing the joy of the moment or creating resentment of you as the parent or the activity they love is a monumental task and life lesson.

@Anthony Patierno ..this first came up as my daughter started university...the plan was to try and continue athletics and academics, but she was in school as a music major (vocal) and rehearsals and performances started to conflict with practice and competitions. It came down to a lot of discussions and reflections on what served her goals now (her sport) vs what wh Would support her goals for the future (academics). Ultimately we found a way to take years of competitive training and channel that energy into performances...so instead of a skill lost, it became a whole new field to play on. Still a competitor, just on a different stage...learning to adapt has gone to serve her well,...as a post graduate as she's now added a second degree and immediately started working in her field.

If the goal is to facilitate the ideal that bad days happen and they don't define you...I've found that examples of others success over adversity stories often help... For example, Michael Jordan was cut from his high school varsity team as a sophomore. He went home, cried, and then used it as fuel. “It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” - Albus Dumbledore (Chicago Bulls Fan)

@Anthony Patierno personal reflection is always a great tool, i find the trick is finding which tool works best for you (or them). Whether its Reflexivity (Intimate Introspection), Empathy Mapping (Observation-Based Reflection), Reflective Journaling, Self-Awareness Games and Exercises or Perspective-Taking they all have merits, but just as the right method(s) can be beneficial imposing the wrong ones can lead to frustration. I've found that opening the door to many options and encouraging controlled experimentation trends toward a healthier personal reflection result.

I often found this time was better served letting my kids tell me about what was going on in their lives...could be the sport, or school or friends... But it was always a time to look at the whole picture of their lives rather that focussing on one upcoming moment. I like to think that it created a sense of live balance while creating a supportive bond. Putting value on the person, rather than their accomplishments.

@Anthony Patierno it's a great idea...I just have seen too many families push the kids away or create unhealthy self images in youth by only using the time to talk about sport wins and losses. Any strategy that increases the opportunity to expand their awareness over multiple avenues is a step in the right direction.

Every Thursday morning before work I get together with a high school friend for a 7km (4.5 mile) walk.