Hi, I'm Nikki, and this is the story of my awakening. 1. BEFORE — The Girl Who Silenced Herself 😔 I used to live inside my own disconnection. My body was a battlefield, my emotions an enemy. I would punch walls just to feel something, or cut my skin hoping someone would see my pain. Beneath the chaos was a secret my body never forgot: the memory of being sexually assaulted at just 11, and again at 14. I blamed myself and turned to alcohol and drugs to numb my pain. I didn’t know it yet, but I was becoming the perfect reflection of a world that rewards silence and punishes sensitivity. My aliveness became my greatest threat. 2. CRISIS — The Mushroom Awakening 🍄 It was supposed to be a holiday in Bali. Six friends, laughter, adventure — but Bali has a way of revealing truth. One night, my drink was spiked with mushrooms by one of my friends without my consent. (I had no idea at the time). What followed was a descent into psychosis — and I became trapped in psychosis for 3 DAYS! I begged for help, but was met with "Nikki, it's all in your head, snap out of it". Friends I had known for eight years turned away, called me crazy, left me in a hospital on a foreign island. Believing I was going to die I turned to God and asked for a second chance. I promised that I'd change my life, and help others if he spared my life. The next morning I woke up alone in a psychiatric ward, covered in blood. 🩸No phone. No passport. No money. And no idea how I'd escape. In that sterile room, stripped of identity, I woke up. 👁️ That was the day my real life began. (ohh and I never saw those friends ever again.) 3. CHASE — The Quest for Redemption I had no idea how to heal from this, so I did what our culture teaches — I tried to fix my pain through achievement. I left Adelaide, moved to Sydney, became a personal trainer at a prestigious gym. My discipline became my drug. Weights replaced alcohol, perfection replaced chaos. The body I had once abandoned became my armour. From bodybuilding trophies🏆 to self-help seminars, I chased meaning in every direction — mindset work, money, performance. I mastered control, but not connection. I built confidence, but not safety.