I left my phone out yesterday when going to bed! I woke up, did my own rituals, took my first dopamine cold shower ... 💦💦💦💦💦 Ready for the last 5/5 day happy and with a new AHA . The trash bags....I realized a big thing. I'm not a hoarder, I'm not lazy. I was stuck by the window looking my mum go with something in her hands (the trashes) and came back with empty hands. My 4yr old me have been carrying this sight 62yrs and now I realized ...the idea of people leaving with something in their hands means everybody can leave when ever they want, the door is open. But only a couple of years have I started keeping things in my home. To barricade me inside and others out. JT asked me while we talked what would I like to say to me, the 4yr old. I told him " my mum loved me, saw me and heard me always in the best way she could after experiensing so traumatic childhood. She did what she was able. She came back. It wasn't anything to blame or ignore me. " and now I want to add a couple of things...I wish I didn't have to experience all the shit I went through after that year I was 4, but now I understand. I told my mother has Alzheimer's, but I know those words are her words I heard 💖🙏🏽 I am so grateful to each and everyone of these magical 5-days🙏🏽💖Bless you all 💖 thank you thank you thank you

One of my issues is (and let me say, I know this is not ok and it is something that I need to continue working on) if I am in a meeting or group of people whatever the situation is, and someone asked a question or opinion, I feel the neeeeeeed to say something... Especially when no one is saying anything. It is compulsory. I know this is not acceptable and I really really try my best not to do it. I do not want to come across as a "no it all" that is truly not where it comes from..... The issue is when I was younger/in school, if it took me a couple minutes to gather my thoughts, or I was nervous, or scare that I didn't know the answer, teachers would assume I didn't know the answer or children would laugh or I just felt "stupid". I have worked so hard in my life so that people would not see me as "stupid" but that thought process backfired on me and went the opposite way. I just get so excited to answer questions or speak out, then the second words come out of my mouth I immediately regret it bc I see the way people look at me.. I'm Great at pretending that I don't.... but I do....and THEN I am even better at pretending that nothing bothers me and "I am who I am and everyone else can bug off"..... I can rock pretend confidence!!!! Once people get to know me, they normally see (some see and are like ok, just a talker, and others a?re like "nope" not cool enough for me LOL) that I am genuinely just an excited person and love to share ideas and bounce ideas off people and love gaining knowledge, but until someone gets to know me they just think I am weird. (which I am, but fun weird)..... So, I am done with training for my new job and starting AT MY ACTUAL LOCATION TOMORROW.... I am so tired of trying not to speak or always being worried of what people think of me. But I also hate coming off wrong. I want people to get to know me and realize that everything I do is bc I am just a passionate person about everything I do, good or bad. First impression is EVERYTHING....... and I am at a crossroad....

My lowest Harmony dimension: finances Wind-down pattern I noticed: a lot of revenge bedtime procrastination Morning pattern I noticed: very scattered, and no cup filling for me for a long time. and lack of protein / hunger I decided to (not) close my open loop: I was told not to yet? I am not sure about this one. And it made me feel: a bit resentful actually, because the energy to finish it seemed to be there, and I disliked being instructed that I couldn't complete it. What surprised me: This one didn't really surprise me, today's theme has been where I have been doing most of my inner work,

This is my second time going through this challenge and it did not get easier. I cried again and then physically shut down. I fell asleep. 🤦🏼‍♀️ I deal with perfectionism and people pleasing all the time because I want to be accepted and loved. This hurts when I think about it this way.

I have to say this week has been extremely profound. So many aha moments and Jim has been so fantastic with all the Q&As. Even if I couldn't stay for them, I've been watching the replays and I feel 100 times better than I did when we started this journey on Monday. I hope that everyone got something out of this or learned something about themselves they didn't know before, and this community is awesome.