People tend to open up to me. I’m a safe place and it’s disarming. Others are often surprised after they divulge their childhood trauma so easily, but I’m not surprised, it’s a gift of mine. After work I met a coworker (who I like) for a drink. I finally said the quiet part outloud that I’m into him, he’s obviously into me. He agreed then proceeds to divulge that he’s an alcoholic and childhood trauma and family history of addiction. The blessing is he is self aware enough and respects me enough to not pursue me and wave his red flag right in my face and own it. And why tf do I find attraction to these self abandoning men?! Always an addict, emotionally unavailable etc … and in meditation about it I said “I’m sick of being a victim of my own bullshit!” Ive choosen these men because they abandon me and then I’m chasing my own tail again and again. It’s not a payoff anymore and I think I needed this final attraction to the old pattern to break it once and for all!!!

Be honest… if your past self met your current self, what’s the first thing they’d be shocked, confused, or even judgy about? share your answer in the comments below and reflect on how much you have changed for me if my 2017 self (the version of me BEFORE I went full time on YT) saw who I was now, they would be proud and inspired forsure. At the same time they may be surprised to see me doing hotseat coaching on stage and the dynamic coaching I do. In the past I always assumed I would just be speaking on stage without as much interaction. They wouldn't be surprised that I don't smoke, drink, etc he would DEF be surprised that up until this point I have ran plant medicine retreats for the last 5 years... he would judge my longer hair forsure and some of my tattoos not knowing where that inspiration came from! and he would be surprised to see I no longer force Youtube videos and just focus on doing what I love (running live events) all in all it would be an interesting meeting! what about you?

People attempt to persuade my reality to validate their own experience. I’ll be told a story and their intention is to elicit a specific reaction…. But it all begins and ends in their own head. Little did they know a huge part of my vibe is growth and I’ll plant seeds rather than water the weeds. Collectively through social media I’m being fed a lot of doom, no thank you. I’ve survived, experienced, been through the thick of some really hard times. There’s likely always to be some bullshit afoot and I kindly ask for people to stop offering that to me as if it’s a poison I’d just love to drink. Soooo today I’m deep diving into beliefs and reinforcing my frame because a strong mind, strong beliefs, strong body is a force and I refuse to be led back into darkness.

Why is this? I'm trying to manifest followers on Twitter and money, but it still hasn't happened. Is it because I still have resistance (fear) and I doubt?

I get the sense that some occurrences in life act as anchors and can not be avoided, possibly altered but not entirely deleted. Just like soul family will find each other one way or another. Story time: I had a 2.5 story pine tree cut down that was within arms length of mine and my neighbors house (homes are pretty close together). I had a concern about it falling onto my sweet elderly neighbors home. This tree surfaced in conversation too many times to be ignored, so I paid to remove it. The very next day a storm rolls through. The winds lift my sunbrella from my back porch and onto their roof. Instantly I thought how something of mine was destined to land on their roof and thankfully it was a harmless sunbrella! Did I alter a destined occurrence and the sunbrella was an indicator of this? Or did I call it into being because I was sure something of mine would land on their home? what do you think?