The biggest thing that landed for me is that I'm not broken, my brain is wired differently in part due to grief and trauma that my body still carries. Most every thing I do (or don't do) carries a layer of protection so I don't get hurt again. My open loop is an email that I've been putting off sending again and again - because sending it the first time led to a passive aggressive attack. Right now I'm feeling very emotional.

I apologize, I've been sick yesterday and today so I'm still catching up. My open loop is my crocheting. I'm supposed to break it into smaller tasks, which I already have done. I wrote th pattern down, I have the yarn out along with the hook. they're all sitting within arms length, it's just getting started that I have the problem with. As for my masks, I really wear the amm but the 2 I struggle the most with are the perfectionist and the invisible one. I have to know how to do a task perfectly before I'll start it and if I don't think I can do it perfectly, then I just don't ever start it for fewr of failing...

📅 Daily Check-in - September 1, 2026 💭 Reflection: "Yesterday was quite a frustrating day. Hospice didn't come out to see Dad as much as we pushed for it. Instead they gave us different forms of morphine. One long acting, one short. To watch him in so much pain cut to the core of me. I really wanted to scream at them but I didn't. I held myself, remained composed and continued on. Not sure if that was a good thing or not. I held space for Mum too - she's been his 24/7 carer, first hand living in the same room as him. It's tougher on her than it is on me. To see him in so much pain - a man who broke his hip late last year and rated the pain as "not to bad". And to see him crying now. That's harsh. Well we'll give the new meds some time to work 24-48 hours apparently. I sincerely hope it works. I've noticed one good thing though. Normally I would have just rushed in and did something without thinking which invariably ends up making matters worse. Here, I'm observing more. Taking my time to react. Assessing the situation. I've learnt so much about myself and I can see the improvements already in such a short time. I am genuinely grateful for everything that I've learnt and for this community's wonderful support. Thank you everyone, genuinely from the bottom of my heart." 📊 Wellbeing Scores: 🌙 Sleep Quality: 3/10 ⭐ Average: 3/10 ✅ Activities from yesterday: 💧 Stayed Hydrated 🥗 Healthy Eating 🥦 Ate Vegetables 🍳 Home Cooked Meal 👥 Quality Time 🤝 Helped Someone 👂 Active Listening

The belief that's been holding me back most: fear of failure and rejection Where it came from: Always feeling like I was not enough no matter how well I did. I also did not feel like I fit in with other kids; teachers were my best friends. (Relatedly, I know it sounds a little ridiculous to say at this age, but when I was very young, I heard my mother say to a friend that she and my dad had not wanted another baby so soon after my brother, that he only had to take his shoes off and she was pregnant with me, and I think it really impacted me, as I was/am a very sensitive person. I obviously understood when I was older that it didn't mean they didn't love me, but it hit deep at the time as feeling unwanted.) My new code: I am capable, worthy, and lovable. If something does not go right, I can learn from it and keep going, trying again a different way if needed. It does not have to stop me. My Future Self statement: "I am the kind of person who finishes what they start. I do not need to fear failure, as that is part of the human experience, and it is okay to be human. You do not lose your value as a person if you make a mistake. Debugging in progress...Working on an upgrade for version 6.1

I have a migraine today, slept in and now have run the replay. I Just finished the meditation. Visualizing myself in my daily life as it is...no problem. When Jim said step out of that person into the other person, I immediately saw myself standing at a door, with drink in hand, shaking my head and turning and walking away from the whole mess! What does THAT say about me!! 😁I couldn't help it, I started laughing! I finally got it together and worked on seeing myself finishing tasks. But in truth, when I am away from here, I am much more relaxed, and don't have as much anxiety as I do at home.