My marriage ended this weekend...

Nancy Ma

Jan 12 • Frameworks

My marriage broke this weekend. After 25 years together, I quit it.

I was tired of the same pattern repeating itself over and over.

When sh*t got hard, he ran away.

He didn't take ownership.

Which is strange, since he's responsible when it comes to sales.

He's a world-class sales guy.

Knocks on doors.

Generates millions of dollars as a closer, because he's non-attached - not afraid to hear 'no'.

But when it comes to our marriage, he was afraid of my rejection.

Our pattern, our little song and dance, is that when we were challenged, he was the one who fled, and I'm the one who stuck around and fought.

And I fought for the last time this weekend, because my body can't handle the fight anymore.

Not after 25 years of this.

So I gave up the fight.

For my health.

For our kids' sake.

This time, I decided to stop picking up the pieces, and accept that our marriage is over.

On the surface, it looks like we have the perfect life.

Perfect million-dollar family.

Business we love.

Big 6,000 sq foot home on 21 acres.

Travel everywhere around the world.

Perfect kids.

Good-hearted people.

This is true 95% of the time.

But the 5% of the time, things were destructive.

There were old demons that would always appear.

No one could ever tell, unless they peaked through the curtains, broke into the house, and went down to the cellar in the back corner.

That's where the demons hid.

Some might look at it and say it's because it's hard to do business with your spouse.

But the truth is, it's hard to do business - period.

If you add an unstable relationship with demons, it makes it almost impossible.

I know this sounds dramatic, and it is.

There have been so many dishes broken in our marriage, words left unspoken, words harshly thrown about, and so much damage that nothing could fix it.

We have no choice but to end that marriage.

So, can we be successful in business and have a solid marriage simultaneously?

Absolutely.

I still believe in marriage.

But you have to be willing to dismantle the old marriage, and build it back up - NEW.

Like Kintsugi art. (see picture attached)

Fresh eyes. Open heart.

We've gone this far with faith.

And while our old marriage patterns were destructive, I believe that with faith, and truth by our side, we can build a new marriage.

This will be the new solid foundation for our family, life, and business.

With this, I know that we will do better than ever.

You don't need a solid marriage to be good in business.

Lots of people have terrible marriages, or are single, and are still quite successful.

But having a solid marriage means that you have two hearts combined into one.

More passion, more drive, and more love poured into your life and in your business gives everyone a better chance of succeeding.

This is not the first time we broke down in our marriage to have a breakthrough, and it may not be the last.

And every time, faith in love catapulted us to the next level - in health, marriage, and $$$.

If you resonate with this, or are curious about marriage and entrepreneurship, drop a comment below.

I promised

@Kasim Aslam

that I could do a workshop for this community if there was interest.

It would be called The Golden Marriage - When Love Leads and Money Follows.

Here's our 4-step framework

The Golden Marriage: The 4-Step Framework

1. RETREAT Acceptance. Surrender. Space to breathe.

Retreat doesn’t mean abandoning the marriage; it means stepping back instead of pushing harder.

When two people are always in each other’s space—physically, emotionally, mentally—there’s no oxygen.

And without oxygen, the fire either dies… or burns everything down.

This is about creating breathing room.

Sometimes that looks like:

5 minutes to pause instead of react
5 hours to calm your nervous system
or 5 days to simply see clearly

As Esther Perel teaches, desire and connection need space. A fire can’t burn if there’s no air.

For us, working together from home meant we were always in each other’s face—no separation between work, marriage, and identity. Retreat created relief. And relief created clarity.

This step is about accepting what is, surrendering control, and choosing space over pressure.

2. REFLECT - Self-discovery before relationship repair.

Before you fix the marriage, you look at yourself.

This step invites you to:

reflect on who you are right now
reconnect with who you desire to be
notice your patterns—how you react, protect, avoid, or control
take responsibility for how those patterns show up in your marriage

You also look at your partner’s patterns—not to assign blame, but to develop understanding and compassion.

Reflection shifts the question from:

“How do I change them?” to“How have I been showing up—and why?”

Self-awareness comes before solutions.

Ownership comes before change.

3. RECONNECT - Truth, vulnerability and courage createe intimacy. Performance kills it.

Real reconnection doesn’t happen through fixing, explaining, or proving; It happens through honest presence. Not just the words you speak - but how you show up energetically.

This step is about: