Are You Choosing To Suffer? What’s up community, just wanted to tap into “Stink,” “Stank,” “Stank” blog - come in and either start some trouble or pour into the community. The “Stink,” “Stank,” “Stank” blog is where I like to share something I came across that can stimulate conversation in the community - so I hop in and just start typing. “Are you choosing to suffer, like you have a choice or not?” "Is it a choice when you start that troubled dance of disconnection" - "Is it a choice to suffer or fester over the last intense fellowship experiene or the things you don't like about your partner or the relationship in general? So many ways to go with this, so let's go. Yes, I am coming in hot for this one. You may already be asking, what do you mean am I choosing to suffer?. What are your initial thoughts if I say, “yes pain is unavoidable but suffering is optional?” *Just notice what comes up for you. And at the end, add a comment about any changes. Ok, before you click off, let me unpack a thing or two. Here is where I am headed. Over the next couple of posts, I want to intentionally focus on your thinking. The first sentence in the Introduction of the book Winning the War In Your Mind reads “Our lives are always moving in the direction of our strongest thoughts.” Playing a stronger cord, in the book Don’t believe everything you think, Joseph Nguyen writes, "….although we experience a lot of pain in our lives, suffering is optional. In other words’ pain is unavoidable, but how we react to the events and circumstances that happen in our lives IS UP TO US AND THAT WILL DICTATE WHETHER WE WE SUFFER OR NOT.” If you are currently struggling with your mental health, that may be a hard line to swallow. You may be saying to yourself - ok Bro, “It feels like I hit rock bottom right now and you are sharing this - this is offensive.” Others may say, for what I am going through right now and you are telling me it’s a choice?’ Or to the meaningful others who leave the guy who is struggling with their mental health - “It’s clear you do not understand the impact of depression - ok Kris this is cute, however, in the words of Lee Corso, “Not So Fast My Friend.”

Yo, Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays Community. Just tapping to share an experience that might resonate with you. The holidays can be stressful. As a matter fact of will be sitting on a panel of experts on how to manage holiday stress. One reminder in this communication today is to let this be a reminder to manage your self-care. Find fun and appreciate those moments that seem insignificant. The family was out for dinner in Chicago at the Navy Pier. We were proceeding past build a bear and I wanted a souvenir. I reached for a teddy bear and then I paused. And there he was - It was a the Grinch. An employee pointed me to the bin. There he was, I picked him up, - just a shell, no filling, no life, LOL no emotions aka “just a shell of himself’- He did have a heart, three sizes large attached to him. I didn’t know at the time, build a bear stuffed animals come with a heart - I engaged in build a bear ritual right before I inserted his heart into his back. I got a Birth Certificate & A build a bear house. “Sometimes the right questions can be so powerful.” Sitting at the table waiting for our food, He asked “what was the most enjoyable moment so far this evening.” I was not fully present because I loathe these moments - I often see this questions as time fillers. However, on this occasion, after I locked in - something was different - I did have a most enjoyable moment, with a smile on my face I said “I got one, it’s my Grinch.” Now looking back, the way my brain works.l, as the build a bear added value by stuffing my Grinch - my Grinch probably 3x’d in value versus the cost of just the shell I initially picked up out of a bin. Then it hit me, That’s my role here, stuff my guys, create value - create rituals - put a smile on their face. Moral of the story, create, recognize & make note of fun memories with meaningful others. Appreciate You Community .

What’s Up community, I just launched a new IG, relevant to my coaching yocoachboom - help me out. “I’ll tap in soon with some more value” If you are interested in working 1-1, speak to your group, or group training- DM grinch & I will follow up with you.

Hey Community, *Warning, I made this post prior to watching episode 3 & 4 of the Reckoning. Episodes 3 & 4 contains extremely strong sexual content, sexual violence and discussion of physical assault and is not necessary to complete the exercise in this post. I wanted to tap in before the weekend - I’m excited as this post is officially kicking off our very first deep-dive Case Study together and understanding principle 1 of my coaching program, "all behavior has a purpose" Here is a reminder. Two individuals become one couple. On this side requires selfishness, in a sense to dive-in, ask question, and ask for what else you need. There is too much on the line to stand on the side lines. My hopes and dreams is to help you along this journey. Like the Grinch, he did not know what he needed. A good coach helps the members of his team figure out what you need to identify and tackle to defeat the enemy, what I call the "troubled dance of connection" in your intimate relationship. That is the sole purpose of this community. As your coach, I will be exposing this community to strategies I have successfully used a dozens of times to help my guys take back and reclaim how they wanted to show up in their relationship. Diddy is The Canvas Now, let’s get real for a second. I know when you saw Diddy's name you probably felt that uncomfortable energy in your body. Please stick with me, I am going somewhere. Here is the thing, yes we are using Diddy—however, if you are going to benefit from this Case Study, I need you to put your personal feelings aside or you are going to miss the perspective. Caveat: When discussing the behaviors tied to the troubled dance or cycle of some of these men, I am in no way excusing, justifying, or attempting to explain away any behavior; it’s about learning attempting to unpack the origin of their troubled dance or cycle. As I take you into this documentary “The Reckoning” episodes1 & 2. (rated MA—contains strong sexual assault, violence, explicit language, so take care if these themes are triggering), we’re simply observing and adding language to how a public figure’s patterns can teach you about the dynamics of his“troubled dance," its impact on intimate partners, meaningful others and criminal behavior.

What’s Up Community — October is Domestic Violence (DV) Month. I believe some topics are important enough, they should be addressed in some form all year long. Not just when a crisis have a couple on the 6 'clock news. This is why I am tapping in today to give you language around one of the most under reported crimes in the U.S. - Domestic Violence. I’m coming in hot because certain topic matters more than others. When any of us, myself included, begin our troubled dance or cycle of disconnection, if we don't use our tools, we can walk a fine line of engaging in abusive behaviors if we don't know what they are and as this community grows, many may not. My role as the coach in this community is to be a language teacher. This post, language to understand what engaging in abusive behavior connected to the troubled dance or cycle of disconnection. Boys were not taught to define Domestic Violence other than the physical abuse. If guys don't know what it is, how do you know if you are a perpretator of DV or not. Well, as your coach I am bout to help you out. Here is the new language. Both men and women interpret DV to mean just hitting. Nah, here is the take away for the community, DV is way bigger than that. As you see down below, there are eight different abusive dynamics, and most men or their partner were never exposed to any of them other than hitting. Here is the thing: In my opinion, there are so many disturbing statistics tied to DV, the education piece is lacking. DV has the potential to touch so many homes. We only hear about DV issues when something tragic happens to a couple and it makes the 6pm news. , DV cannot only highlighted in October (DV month). DV is said to be the most underreported crime in the United States. Some experts say 1 in 4 women have been physically abused. And it takes up to seven times for a woman to finally leave a domestic violence relationship. For my guys, after reading this post, today, I hope it has helped this community