8d • General discussion
Who or What Is The Chimp?
What's up community, Happy Monday.
I wanted to share a post I recently added to my blog at babystepssaq mental coaching site - bsaq1.com
I wanted this community to meet another bad dude who, if you let him not can, will take over the reins causing us to lose emotional control during intense fellowship. (And How to Take the Reins Back).
Here is a clue this dude has showed up and showed out in your last conversation.
First you are going to realize your clear self have left the room for.a couple of minutes or so—next you will find yourself saying things you regret behaving that way, you begin shut down, or blowing up in the first place—Guys as I told you before, you’re not broken - You’re being hijacked.
By who you may ask - I call this part of you the Chimp.
Here is the thing - All of us have one. In the lens of the Grinch, the Chimp takes the reins from the Grinch. And until you learn how to work with him not against it, when it's to communicate, in these moments, you will feel the pressure, and your relationship will continue to feel like a performance anxiety issue in Crunch Time.
The Chimp Inside Every Man
When I worked with athletes as a sports psychotherapist I came across Dr. Steve Peters. In his book The Chimp Paradox by Dr. Peters explains that the Chimp is an emotional survival system that thinks independently from your calm, rational self. Its only job? - Keep you alive.
HERE IS THE THING: Your Chimp doesn’t know the difference between a physical threat and an emotional one. - So when your partner raises their voice…, Speaks to you like your mother, Trigger your inner child, When you feel criticized…, When conflict shows up… and on and on, and on -
The brain sounds the "Red code alert." Simple brain science reminds us hormones flood your body, The Chimp takes the wheel, Your thinking brain in now offline and this is the reason "Why the Grinch, Grinch's"
Why I Teach This With Toys (Yes, Toys)
Overtime I will introduce to a bunch of my characters.
If you walked into my private practice, you would’ve seen toys everywhere. - People would ask, “Do you work with kids?” or "You must be a play therapist?"
-I’d laugh and say, “Nah, actually those are for adults.”
Because I don't speak eloquently, I find it far more effective to teach my community visually.
In the case of teaching the Chimp:
For the calm mind, I use a LEGO minifigure zoo keeper holding a small monkey—this represents, manageable, regulated, and in control.
For the Chimp?
A giant King Kong figure—way too big for the zoo keeper to control.
That’s what emotional overwhelm looks and feels like.
What This Has to Do With Your Relationship?
Remember, I see most and coach relationship disconnection as a performance anxiety issue.
Remember, like crunch time, the moment your Chimp gets triggered, clarity disappears. If you rnot prepared, don't have a plan - you don’t choose your response—you react.
HERE IS THE THING:
Michael Singer (The Untethered Soul) says it perfectly:
“It begins when you get pulled down into "the disturbed energy.”
That disturbed energy is the Chimp.
And if we look through the lens of our star the Grinch—anything Christmas-related triggered his Chimp, which is where the “Stink, Stank, Stunk” manifested from.
The Grinch wasn’t evil.- Now you understand He was hijacked.
HERE'S THE HOPE (And the Work)
Toxic Relationship Positivity is a thorn in my side because it communicates, be strong - (TRP) tells men on social media like to “just notice it and stop. That’s both so troubling and dishonest. This types of statement does not account for my guy's subjective experiences and the impact off past traumas on their brain-body. Ignore TRP for what it is, posts for likes -
Yes—awareness is the first step, however if you hang out here, you will come to understand it’s not enough.
My system focuses on helping my guys build a relationship with their Chimp, not suppress it.
Here’s The Journey Understanding "Why The Grinch, Grinch's"----
- Notice when your Chimp shows up
- Track the triggers and body sensations
- Document what it’s trying to protect you from (Core Issue(s))
- Learn why it takes over this relationship/intense fellowship - moment
This is how you will learn to stop handing over the reins/And this is how relationships begin to feel safe again.
What’s Next---
In future posts, I’ll teach the BROOM Technique—a step-by-step strategy to resolve conflict without your Chimp blowing up the room.
If this hit home, save this post, Share it with a guy who keeps getting stuck in the same fights.
DM me “CHIMP” and I’ll send you the first tool I use with men to regain control in conflict.
You’re not broken, the Chimp is just untrained.
work with me 1-1, set up your own group, request book study
— Kris Snyder, #SpeakLife #Peace
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Who or What Is The Chimp?
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