See the original content here: https://www.instagram.com/reel/DQMJpBojXr9/?igsh=MTk5d2VoMWlseHJhZQ== The comment: “Avoidants literally are terrified of being hurt. Connections feels scary. First priority is safely, they go silent to regulate and feel safe then get punished with your anger for needing to feel safe. Grow up anxious people please and stay away if you can't respect other people need to feel safe too” A comment like this can pass for “trauma-informed” if you haven’t lived through it. But when you have, you know exactly what it is. This is the kind of language that leaves people doubting themselves while the other person walks away clean. Let’s go line by line. 1. “Avoidants are terrified of being hurt.” Sounds compassionate. But this flips the entire emotional burden onto you. Their fear now becomes your responsibility. 2. “Connections feel scary.” A blanket statement that makes your need for closeness the threat. It’s no longer a dynamic. It’s your fault for wanting more. 3. “They go silent to feel safe.” Classic rebrand. Abandonment becomes regulation. Withdrawal gets renamed as nervous system safety. 4. “Then get punished with your anger.” This is the DARVO pivot. You react to the disconnection. Now you’re the attacker. They’re not accountable. They’re the victim. 5. “Grow up anxious people please.” Contempt masked as maturity. Mocking your attachment style while claiming the high ground. 6. “Stay away if you can’t respect that others need to feel safe.” Weaponised morality. Your boundary becomes abuse. Their silence becomes self-protection. You’re cast as unsafe just for wanting emotional honesty. This is how anxious partners get framed as toxic. This is how avoidants avoid. Recognise any of these?

Why it happens