12d • General discussion
I thought I was strong and calm
During my police career I dealt with some pretty awful stuff. I then lost both my Wife and both parents all in the space of 13 months.
Yes I went a bit wobble, had some CBT and now I am on the straight and narrow again. Or at least I thought I was. A week ago we had Green Monday a very big bank holiday where we eat, drink , socialise and fly kites. All was going well until it came to putting the meat on the BBQ. I opened the cool box only to fince the spices had spilled everywhere. I was really pissed off. I tried as best I could to clear it all up. Then having finished I stood up and whacked my head on a branch (bloody hurt). It was like a switch had been flicked and I seriously lost my shit. I hadn't even been drinking.
I have not flipped like that for well over 10 years.
The rest of the afternoon I was very subdued and angry with myself for loosing it. But also alarmed how easy you can flick that switch and boom your almost in a rage.
I'm still reflecting on it now. For someone who was often described as so laid back in almost horizontal. It's really bothered me..
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I thought I was strong and calm
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