During my police career I dealt with some pretty awful stuff. I then lost both my Wife and both parents all in the space of 13 months. Yes I went a bit wobble, had some CBT and now I am on the straight and narrow again. Or at least I thought I was. A week ago we had Green Monday a very big bank holiday where we eat, drink , socialise and fly kites. All was going well until it came to putting the meat on the BBQ. I opened the cool box only to fince the spices had spilled everywhere. I was really pissed off. I tried as best I could to clear it all up. Then having finished I stood up and whacked my head on a branch (bloody hurt). It was like a switch had been flicked and I seriously lost my shit. I hadn't even been drinking. I have not flipped like that for well over 10 years. The rest of the afternoon I was very subdued and angry with myself for loosing it. But also alarmed how easy you can flick that switch and boom your almost in a rage. I'm still reflecting on it now. For someone who was often described as so laid back in almost horizontal. It's really bothered me..

Sorry not posted more sooner hell of a lot gone on recently. Sister was rushed into ICU after collapsing at home she’s had medical issues from birth she’s 68 and 14 years older than me. She was born with a crooked spine which was operated on when she was 15/16 years old then due to complications from that she had a leg amputated at 21. During her time in ICU the consultant asked me when did your sister have a kidney removed? I said I don’t ever remember her having it done only to find out she had actually only been born with one kidney and that one was functioning at 2% so you can imagine what was going through my head when I was sitting with her with all the machines doing all the work for her. Then my Father in Law passed away at the end of January he had just been diagnosed with a rare cancer of the lung which was asbestos related Sister is home and awaiting an operation to help her kidney but also has stones in her bladder and uterus. I didn’t expect her to come home if I’m honest due to how sick she was in hospital. Father in law’s funeral has taken place and now we’ve got the unpleasant task of clearing the house and selling it as it’s gone to probate. Now this is where the Dark Angel appeared Woke up really early yesterday morning and felt really shit and angry, laid in bed thinking why now? Why now have you reappeared? There’s Alcohol downstairs just go down and have a drink and you will soon forget about it ? But would that have honestly helped? No of course it wouldn’t of that would of only just masked the pain and put me going back to my old ways I got up ate my prepared breakfast got dressed and went to the gym music on head/mind focused and worked out. Left the gym and went for a walk along the coastline where I live I’m not going to let the Dark angel drag me back I know he will always be on my shoulder but just in the background The good angel will always win going forward Well apologies for the long post just wanted to get it off my chest 💪

What’s one thing that you found that you would brush to one side so that you didn’t look weak to your kids? How did burnout show its horrible little face for you?

I found a new way to relieve stress when life ant wife and driving my nuts. I didn't want to workout, but I wanted something that was very strict had to be measured and in a timeframe that would consume quite a bit of time. So I made some sourdough. Thanks to my wife for taking the picture. If you're looking for a stress reliever that takes quite a bit of time and you have to be very precise in measurements .... Sourdough

I'm still in recovery mode from my marathon. Running has been a lot less lately although, I have a 10km in 3 weeks. During a conversation with my new running coach, he asked if I have tried Hyrox. I said 'No'. He asked me if I fancied having a go. Well this morning, to say I ache is an understatement because yesterday, I did my first Hyrox session. Despite being apprehensive, I came out absolutely buzzing. It's really left me on a high. On Tuesday and Saturday i am going again. This has seriously given me some renewed motivation. The session for me, was a massive stress reliever. Now, there is a knee jerk reaction to all of this. Myself and Jon (my mate) last night signed up to the Limmasol Hyrox event in April 😯. So I can now categorically say, mentally I'm in a very good place and very motivated 😊