I'm not actually after answer to what my worth, is, but it is something I've focused on in the past. I've been on a heck of a journey over the last year with many changes in the right direction. I'm still learning and I'm happy to continue moving forward. Similar words have probably been said by wiser people than I but here goes. A persons value isn't based on what they think others think of them, or indeed actually what they think of them, it's not even based on what you think of yourself, because that's shaped by others. I believe your value is based on how you allow others to treat you. If you allow someone to treat you like shit, You'll feel like shit and others will feel the same way too. If someone makes you feel bad, correct them or cut them out I'm not experiencing this problem myself at the moment, but I have a close friend who's not in a great place, but they are allowing others treat them badly. Just thought I'd share my thoughts.

I have been teaching a course this weekend (it's Easter next week in Cyprus) The Learners all come from a service background Inc Police, Army, NHS and Close Protection. The course was an education and training course. Yesterday, the learners were fairly quite. They did all the tasks I set, and did them well. Today however, saw the Learners Turn a corners and opened up on their previous lives. All bar 2 shared that they suffer from PTSD following previous occupations and the incidents they have been exposed to. This arose during my lesson on Reasonable Adjustments in a training environment. I sat back and let the Learners talk to each other (it was via zoom) about their disorders. My rationale was 'This could be a therapy session' You just don't know what will pop up when teaching and what can trigger such a turn.

If you could change one thing about your life today…..What would it be ?

During my police career I dealt with some pretty awful stuff. I then lost both my Wife and both parents all in the space of 13 months. Yes I went a bit wobble, had some CBT and now I am on the straight and narrow again. Or at least I thought I was. A week ago we had Green Monday a very big bank holiday where we eat, drink , socialise and fly kites. All was going well until it came to putting the meat on the BBQ. I opened the cool box only to fince the spices had spilled everywhere. I was really pissed off. I tried as best I could to clear it all up. Then having finished I stood up and whacked my head on a branch (bloody hurt). It was like a switch had been flicked and I seriously lost my shit. I hadn't even been drinking. I have not flipped like that for well over 10 years. The rest of the afternoon I was very subdued and angry with myself for loosing it. But also alarmed how easy you can flick that switch and boom your almost in a rage. I'm still reflecting on it now. For someone who was often described as so laid back in almost horizontal. It's really bothered me..

Sorry not posted more sooner hell of a lot gone on recently. Sister was rushed into ICU after collapsing at home she’s had medical issues from birth she’s 68 and 14 years older than me. She was born with a crooked spine which was operated on when she was 15/16 years old then due to complications from that she had a leg amputated at 21. During her time in ICU the consultant asked me when did your sister have a kidney removed? I said I don’t ever remember her having it done only to find out she had actually only been born with one kidney and that one was functioning at 2% so you can imagine what was going through my head when I was sitting with her with all the machines doing all the work for her. Then my Father in Law passed away at the end of January he had just been diagnosed with a rare cancer of the lung which was asbestos related Sister is home and awaiting an operation to help her kidney but also has stones in her bladder and uterus. I didn’t expect her to come home if I’m honest due to how sick she was in hospital. Father in law’s funeral has taken place and now we’ve got the unpleasant task of clearing the house and selling it as it’s gone to probate. Now this is where the Dark Angel appeared Woke up really early yesterday morning and felt really shit and angry, laid in bed thinking why now? Why now have you reappeared? There’s Alcohol downstairs just go down and have a drink and you will soon forget about it ? But would that have honestly helped? No of course it wouldn’t of that would of only just masked the pain and put me going back to my old ways I got up ate my prepared breakfast got dressed and went to the gym music on head/mind focused and worked out. Left the gym and went for a walk along the coastline where I live I’m not going to let the Dark angel drag me back I know he will always be on my shoulder but just in the background The good angel will always win going forward Well apologies for the long post just wanted to get it off my chest 💪