Seeker part 9 · The Lighthouse Project

Seeker part 9

Mr Nice Guy

This falls under the people pleasing category in my opinion. It comes from a fear of not being liked. In an attempt to be loved by all I carefully select which part of my personality to present to the group I am currently in.

As I merntioned in a previous post this would create weird group dynamics as 2 different friends would know 2 different Bens. About 13 years ago I took me ex to see the school where I went to from age 11-18 and we met my old physics teacher. One of the those guys who went the extra mile for his students and colleagues. He even offered a room in his house to a very good friend of mine so he could study after his dad had committed suicide 6 weeks before our finals. Mr Clare what I legend. I told him that I had become a teacher like him and he was surprised. He said “I don't know what you would do but you always got on with so many people.”

At first I took it as a bit of an insult to my choice of career. Then it made me think harder about what it meant. It was interesting that he noticed and it made me relaize that it wasn't as common as I thought it was. I thought most people got on with other people.

I was able to relate to the “jocks” as I played for the school football, basketball and rugby team over the years. I also related to the “geeks” and was even invited into their secret computer clubhouse which Mr Clare had set up for them in an abondoned bomb shelter still standing on site after I scored a higher mark than them in the first 2 modules of our physics A-levels. I hung out with the smokers and potheads and liked a lot of the musicians.

I never thought of myself as a “Mr Nice Guy.” Looking back with the knowledge I have now I was and am a very compassionate person with a high level of empathy and I can see both sides of an argument and defend both of them simultaneously to the disbelief of those on each side arguing it out. I am also interested in people's stories and have a deep-rooted need to help if I can.

My “Mr-Nice-Guy” comes out when I don't speak my complete truth out of fear of the other's reaction. It's almost like I can see how my comment will unfold with the other person so it's not even worth me saying as I know how it will end anyway. So I nod and agree which can lead to those earlier emotions of resentment, guilt and shame that I am not strong enough to state 100% what I believe.

In these last few years and especially since my Aura Transformation in October I really don't care anymore. If people are meant to stay they will and if not they won't. I am wasting less time and evergy on people who don't really resonate with me and in turn I am connecting to people who appreciate my brutal honesty on a much deeper level.

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