Seeker Part 2 · The Lighthouse Project

Seeker Part 2

3. Exhausted - Feelings of exhaustion were quite common for me. There is still and underlying feeling that it is not ok to just sit around. When I feel into this I remember my father calling me lazy. I think of how most mornings he was already on his way to work by the time I'd get up. I was lucky to see him in the evening before bed. My mum would always have something in the oven for him but he rarely shared a meal with us.

These passed moments make it hard at times to just sit and rest. I always had to be doing something learning something whether reading or listening to podcasts. It's not that I don't enjoy it but I really have to sit and tell myself it is OK to rest. Not only OK but necessary.

When I left my 9-5 as a primary school teacher to learn day trading this became even more important as I was able to work nearly 24 hours a day (Forex markets don't sleep and neither was I). This did mean I had a lot of time with my young boys. Again another area that I had to step in and slow myself down as they got used to having constant access to me I had to be the one who put up the barriers and find time and space for myself.

I now priortise sleep above everything. I go to bed at the same time as my children. This means I am up hours before them allowing me time and space each morning for myself before they are up and we start homeschooling. Golf has also been a huge improvement for my well-being. I am technically doing something but have learnt to really sink into the present moment while waiting for my shot and connect with nature and the people I am playing with.

I have also had to accept that I am not going to learn everything in this life time and that too is ok.

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