Let’s talk about therapeutic lying · Together Through Dementia

Let’s talk about therapeutic lying

This can be a difficult and sometimes uncomfortable topic, but I think it’s an important one.

Therapeutic lying is often misunderstood. The word lying can feel wrong, especially when honesty matters so much to us. And yes — when used incorrectly, it can be misleading or harmful.

But when used with kindness, intention, and compassion, it can sometimes be the best option for the person living with dementia.

Dementia can change how someone experiences reality. Repeatedly correcting someone or forcing the “truth” can cause distress, fear, and repeated grief — especially when the brain can no longer process or retain that information.

I want to share a personal example.

My great-grandma had Alzheimer’s and needed to live in a care home for her safety, and for my great-grandad’s as well — he was in his 90s at the time.

Every single day at 10 o’clock, my great-grandad would go to see her and spend the day with her. This routine became something she never forgot.

After my great-grandad passed away, my great-grandma would still ask for him. She would ask why he was late and sometimes say he must be in trouble for not being there yet.

And we went along with it.

We would gently tell her he wouldn’t be long, or that he was just around the corner.

To some people, this may seem like the worst thing to do — because yes, technically, it is lying. But reminding her every ten minutes that her husband had passed away would have meant forcing her to relive that loss again and again.

That would have caused far more pain.

In moments like these, therapeutic lying isn’t about deception.

It’s about: