Hey Superparents, Let's talk about the work that goes on behind the scenes. It's the work that goes beyond just parenting our children. It's the work of reparenting ourselves. We've all been there. Your child does something—they have a meltdown, spill a drink, or defy you in a specific way—and you feel an oversized reaction building inside you. It’s a trigger. As you rightly said, this isn't just a simple, in-the-moment frustration. It's a message from our past. It's our inner child, who was perhaps shamed, ignored, or punished for that exact same behavior, sending up a flare. We have to sit with that feeling, acknowledge what's going on, and do the work to release it. This process is the core of what coaches and psychologists call Reparenting. In psychology, particularly in concepts like Internal Family Systems (IFS) or the work of Dr. Nicole LePera ("The Holistic Psychologist"), this is a foundational practice. The idea is that our "Adult" self must consciously become the parent to our "Inner Child" that we always needed but never had. When we are triggered, our Inner Child is asking, "Are you going to abandon me, too? Are you going to shame me, too?" Our job, as the new, loving Adult in charge, is to pause and respond internally with the words we always needed to hear: - "I see you." - "It's okay to feel this angry/sad/scared." - "You are safe. I've got this." - "I am not going to leave you." When we practice this—when we give our own inner child compassion instead of criticism—something magical happens. We stop reacting to our past and become free to respond to our child's present. Suddenly, we find we have a deeper well of patience. We're not just trying to control our child's behavior; we're modeling what it looks like to feel a big emotion and move through it with grace. We are actively breaking the cycle in real-time. This is deep, difficult, and brave work. It is perhaps the hardest, and most important, part of being a solo parent. You're not just building a better future for your child; you're healing your past at the same time.

Hey Superparents, Ever found yourself in a rare quiet moment on the couch, and this question just lands on you: "Who am I?" At first, the answer seems easy. "I'm Lev's parent. I'm a life coach. I live in Montclair." We list our roles and our stats. But if you go deeper... Who are you really? Who are you now, after the divorce, as a single parent? You're the person who walked away from a marriage that wasn't working. The person who had to grieve a dream you once built. But you're also the person who decided to stand up for yourself and for your kids. There's a powerful shift here. The old script was, "I stayed for the kids." Our generation's new, more powerful script is, "I left for the kids." We've stopped tolerating what isn't meant for us. We're not trees. We can move. We can rebuild. This isn't just a nice idea; it's a psychological process called Post-Traumatic Growth (PTG). It's the idea that after a major life crisis (like a divorce), we don't just "bounce back." We are forced to rebuild our core beliefs and, in the process, we can develop new strengths, a deeper appreciation for life, and a stronger sense of self. This new "you" has a different perspective. This "you" has boundaries. This "you" prioritizes your well-being. This "you" is stronger. Let's Do the Work: The "Then & Now" Dynamic Let's make this real. In the comments, share your own "Then & Now" so we can cheer each other on. - THEN: (e.g., "I used to put my needs last.") - NOW: (e.g., "I am learning to schedule time for myself, guilt-free.") - THEN: (e.g., "I used to be afraid of conflict.") - NOW: (e.g., "I am a person who holds firm boundaries.") You are enough. You are worthy. And the person you are becoming is forged in strength. Congratulations, Superparent. Keep going. It's worth it.

Hey Superparents, Let's talk tantrums. That moment the volcano erupts. A storm of competing feelings, everything spiraling, and no end in sight. And yes, I'm talking about our kids... mostly. Here's the truth: They're just new at this. They are learning to regulate their bodies and their minds. Heck, let's be honest, we still struggle to regulate our emotions at our age. So, imagine the hurricane in their little minds when they're overwhelmed. Yes, they'll be loud. But our job is to model what we want to see. We must be the calm, even when they're yelling in our face or rolling on the floor. Get down to their level. Use a soft, quiet voice. Yelling back just adds fuel to their fire, or worse, it startles them into silence. And as you perfectly put it, "congrats, you just bottled an emotion that will come up later, stronger." That's not a win; it's just a problem for another day. This isn't just "nice" parenting; it's a powerful psychological tool called Co-Regulation. An article from the Child Mind Institute explains that co-regulation is the process where a calm adult's presence and support help a child calm their own nervous system. Because they haven't developed "self-regulation" yet, we have to act as their "external regulator." We are literally lending them our calm to help them find theirs. Calm is contagious, just like chaos. It's frustrating at first, but you're building a connection. And yes, it might happen in the middle of the supermarket. Forget the spotlight. Forget the judging eyes. Your child deserves your peace more than those strangers deserve your compliance. They need you to be their anchor and walk them through the storm, not abandon them to it. By staying with them while they experience their big emotions, you are actively preventing the trauma of being left alone and teaching them that their feelings are valid, not shameful. Stay strong, Superparents. This is the long game, and you're winning it.

Hey Superparents, Ever feel like you've been on the defensive for... well, forever? We love our children, and our first instinct is to act as their shield. It's noble, but let's be honest: it's exhausting. Being a human shield means you're still taking all the hits, and no matter how strong you are, you will get tired. So, let's talk about switching from defensive to offensive. Not aggressive, strategic. The best offense in this game isn't about attacking; it's about removing your coparent's ability to control you. How? You stop giving them the one thing they crave: Your reaction. Your reaction, good or bad, is their fuel. The moment you truly realize that and emotionally detach from their attempts to provoke, the entire game changes. This will be hard at first. The second they sense a change, their attacks will get worse. They will get louder, meaner, and more desperate to get a reaction. This is a predictable psychological phenomenon. In behavioral psychology, it’s called an Extinction Burst. As psychology articles on the topic explain, when a behavior that used to work (like sending a nasty text to get a reaction) suddenly stops working, the person doesn't just give up. They will dramatically escalate the behavior in a "burst" to try and force the old result. This is the most critical moment. Their rage is not a sign that your boundary is wrong. It's the sign that your boundary is working. They are questioning what's happening and panicking. Hold your line. Your New Toolkit Instead of being a shield, you are now building a fortress. Here are your tools: 1. Read, Don't Absorb: You get a 1,000-word paragraph of nonsense with 20 different topics? Don't let it flood you. 2. Find the One Thing: Scan that novel for the one thing that actually requires a response (e.g., "What time is pickup?"). 3. BIFF the Rest: Respond only to that one thing using BIFF (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm). Everything else is just bait. The fortress is proactive. It’s built on your terms. They will keep testing the walls, but eventually, they will see that they can no longer get in. They will have no choice but to respect your boundaries.

Hey Superparents, Feeling that shift? The seasons are changing, the sun is setting earlier, and life can feel a bit overwhelming. It's easy to feel like you're just rushing from one task to the next. Before life gets too hectic, let's build a small, powerful habit. This is a 10-minute connection plan designed to help you be fully present with your kids. It’s a simple ritual that calms their nervous system (and yours!) and helps you connect, even on the busiest days. Practice it daily. Maybe right after school/daycare or just before bed. The 10-Minute "Seasonal Check-In" Plan The only rule: For these 10 minutes, phones are down. All of them. Minutes 1-2: The "Welcome Home" Landing - What you do: Stop what you're doing. Get on their level, make eye contact, and give them a real hug (a good 20-second one if you can!). - Why it works: This physical connection is like a reset button. It wordlessly tells them, "You are my priority. I see you. You are safe here." Minutes 2-7: The "New Season" Conversation - What you do: Get comfy (on the floor, the sofa, wherever) and ask a fun, open-ended question related to the new season. The goal is just to listen, not to correct or teach. - Seasonal Question Ideas: - "What's one thing you're excited to do this fall? (e.g., jump in leaves, drink hot cocoa)" - "If we could invent a new spooky, fun monster for Halloween, what would it look like?" - "What's your favorite 'cozy' feeling in the world?" - "Tell me about the 'rose' and 'thorn' of your day—your favorite part and a part that was tricky." Minutes 7-10: The "Fill Up Their Cup" Outro - What you do: End with genuine, specific praise and a look ahead. - Example: "I loved hearing about your monster idea, you are so creative. I'm so glad you're home with me." Or, "Thanks for telling me about your day. I love you, and I can't wait to read a story with you later." - Why it works: You're ending the "ritual" on a positive, stable note, filling their emotional cup and reinforcing your bond before moving on to dinner or bedtime.