23d • Empowering Solo Parents
The Hardest Job: Reparenting Yourself While Parenting Your Child
Hey Superparents,
Let's talk about the work that goes on behind the scenes. It's the work that goes beyond just parenting our children. It's the work of reparenting ourselves.
We've all been there. Your child does something—they have a meltdown, spill a drink, or defy you in a specific way—and you feel an oversized reaction building inside you. It’s a trigger.
As you rightly said, this isn't just a simple, in-the-moment frustration. It's a message from our past. It's our inner child, who was perhaps shamed, ignored, or punished for that exact same behavior, sending up a flare.
We have to sit with that feeling, acknowledge what's going on, and do the work to release it.
This process is the core of what coaches and psychologists call Reparenting.
In psychology, particularly in concepts like Internal Family Systems (IFS) or the work of Dr. Nicole LePera ("The Holistic Psychologist"), this is a foundational practice. The idea is that our "Adult" self must consciously become the parent to our "Inner Child" that we always needed but never had.
When we are triggered, our Inner Child is asking, "Are you going to abandon me, too? Are you going to shame me, too?"
Our job, as the new, loving Adult in charge, is to pause and respond internally with the words we always needed to hear:
- "I see you."
- "It's okay to feel this angry/sad/scared."
- "You are safe. I've got this."
- "I am not going to leave you."
When we practice this—when we give our own inner child compassion instead of criticism—something magical happens.
We stop reacting to our past and become free to respond to our child's present.
Suddenly, we find we have a deeper well of patience. We're not just trying to control our child's behavior; we're modeling what it looks like to feel a big emotion and move through it with grace. We are actively breaking the cycle in real-time.
This is deep, difficult, and brave work. It is perhaps the hardest, and most important, part of being a solo parent. You're not just building a better future for your child; you're healing your past at the same time.
Stay strong, Super-Parents. Your healing is their legacy.
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The Hardest Job: Reparenting Yourself While Parenting Your Child
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