Mindset Monday: Your Silence is Their Kryptonite 🦸♂️
How many of you thought the abuse would stop the moment you signed the divorce papers?
I’m guessing the great majority of us have been there. Signing those papers is a massive release, but often, it doesn't end there. An abuser cannot stand losing control. In some cases, losing that legal tether makes them desperate to grab power in other ways.
Their tactics often remain the same—methods that usually carry the emotional maturity of a seven-year-old.
The Strategy: Chaos Manufacturing They thrive on chaos. Their best option is to throw you off your feet, rattling you so fast you don't have time to think. They bombard you with a false sense of urgency, often sprinkled with DARVO (Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender).
Your Superpower: The Pause ⏸️ When the noise gets loud, your superpower is pausing.
In my book, The Boy with the Blue Bike, Leo visits a neighborhood called "Echo Ridge." It is a place so loud and chaotic that he can’t even hear himself think. But he finds a high hill, and suddenly, "It feels like this hill is an island, and there is no more noise around".
You must become that island.
If you don't engage immediately in their spiral, they lose. You win clarity. The narc will question why you aren't responding to the chaos they worked so hard to create. While they scramble, you get to take a breath and see their tactics for what they are. You aren't the person who fell for this in the past. You are stronger. You are a Superparent.
The Science: Why it Gets Worse Before it Gets Better You mentioned they might go "kamikaze style" when you stop reacting. There is a psychological fact behind this:
The Extinction Burst: In behavioral psychology, when you stop reinforcing a behavior (by refusing to give them the reaction they want), the behavior will often spike in intensity before it stops. They will flood you with noise, blame-shifting, and victimization in a desperate "burst" to force you back into the old pattern.
Don't be fooled. This sudden increase in craziness isn't a sign you are losing; it is a sign your boundaries are working.
Your Mission This Week Dealing with these battles is exhausting. Give yourself credit. Acknowledge your feelings, but don't get stuck in them. Find a simple activity for you—move your body, play your favorite tune, and celebrate your Iron Fortress.
👇 Let’s chat below: What is one situation this week where you can press the "Pause Button" instead of reacting right away?
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Mindset Monday: Your Silence is Their Kryptonite 🦸♂️
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