What if things just become overwhelming

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I received a question recently in my community and it touched on something I know many of us wrestle with. So I thought I would explore it in a post for you.

The heart of it was this:

What do you do when life demands more than you feel ready for?

When you're doing the slow, gentle work of nervous system regulation but then life doesn't wait. A family crisis happens. A career opportunity arises. Something urgent and unavoidable lands in your lap.

How do you navigate choosing things you know will overwhelm your system? How do you handle the fear of "what if something big comes up before I'm ready?" How do you manage the pressure to speed up your healing so you can be "fixed" before the next hard thing arrives?

This tension between going slowly and life not waiting is something I live in constantly. Especially as a single mum to a neurodivergent child where unexpected demands are part of the landscape.

So here's what I've learned:

The shift isn't about becoming unshakeable before life happens. It's about having tools you can reach for when life does happen.

Think of it less like "I need to be fixed before I can handle hard things" and more like "I'm building a toolkit I can use during hard things."

What I Do When Life Demands More Than I Feel Ready For:

1. I accept that overwhelm will happen, and plan for recovery

If I know something will tax my system (travel, family crisis, big work deadline), I don't try to prevent the overwhelm. Instead, I:

Clear my calendar for the 2-3 days after when possible
Lower the bar everywhere else (frozen meals, minimal commitments, saying no to anything non-essential)
Tell people close to me: "I'm going into a high-demand period and will need space to recover after"

This removes the surprise of overwhelm and the shame when it happens. I've planned for it. It's expected. That alone reduces some of the nervous system load.

2. I use the "Minimum Viable Day" framework

During high-stress periods, I don't try to maintain my full routine. I identify my absolute non-negotiables, the 2-3 things that keep me most regulated, and do only those.

For me that's usually:

Three conscious breaths when I wake up
Five minutes in my anchor space
Hand on heart before bed

That's it. Everything else can wait. This way I'm still connected to my regulation practices, even if they're smaller.

3. I remind myself: "This is temporary, and I know how to return"

The old pattern was: overwhelm → collapse → shame → long recovery → fear of next overwhelm.

The new pattern is: overwhelm → intentional recovery protocol → return to baseline → trust that I can handle it again.

The difference isn't that overwhelm doesn't happen anymore. It's that I have a way back now. And each time I successfully return, I build evidence that I can handle hard things. Not because I'm invincible, but because I know how to recover.

On the Fear of "What If Something Comes Up Before I'm Ready":

The truth you need to know is: You'll never feel 100% ready. And that's actually okay.

The goal isn't to reach some perfect regulated state before life tests you. The goal is to have one or two tools you can reach for in the moment and a return protocol you trust.

You don't need the whole shift to be complete. You just need:

One grounding practice you can do in 60 seconds (hand on heart, feet on floor, three breaths)
One way to close a loop when things feel chaotic (clear one surface, finish one small task)
The Return Practice (notice, regulate, choose one anchor, continue)

That's enough. Truly.

For Those with Hypermobility/Hypersensitivity:

If you have a more sensitive nervous system (through hypermobility, high sensitivity, or neurodivergence) your system does get overwhelmed more easily. And it also means small regulation tools have a bigger impact.

Because your system is so sensitive, even tiny adjustments can create noticeable shifts. This is actually an advantage, even though it doesn't always feel that way.

Some things that have helped me:

Weighted support during high-stress times (weighted blanket, heavy cushion on lap during travel)
Compression (tight hug, self-squeeze, or even just crossing arms firmly)
Predictable sensory input (same playlist, same tea, same scent, familiar anchors for the nervous system)
Permission to be "boring" during recovery (same meals, same routine, minimal novelty)

The Bottom Line:

You're not trying to become someone who doesn't get overwhelmed by hard things. You're becoming someone who knows how to move through overwhelm and return.

And you might find:

The more you accept that overwhelm will happen sometimes, the less overwhelming it becomes.

Because you're not adding the layer of "I shouldn't be feeling this way" or "I should be further along by now."

Life will ask more of you sometimes. And you don't have to wait until you're "ready" to say yes. You just need to know how you'll come back after.

The shift you're building isn't armor that keeps you safe from stress. It's a map that shows you the way home when stress happens.

And every time you use that map, even imperfectly, you're building trust with your nervous system that says: "Even when it's hard, I know how to take care of us."

You're already doing this work. You're already building what you need. Trust that.

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