Red Flag Pattern of the Day This pattern often follows an unresolved issue. You raise a concern. They deflect responsibility. And when the conversation doesn’t go their way… They disappear. Messages go unanswered. Replies turn cold or minimal. Communication stops entirely. What’s happening? The silence isn’t neutral. It's leverage. Instead of addressing the issue, withdrawal: - punishes you for speaking up - forces you to seek reconnection - shifts the power dynamic When contact resumes, the original issue is usually ignored — as if silence “reset” the conversation. The effect over time: This teaches you: - honesty risks abandonment - conflict leads to isolation - silence is something you must prevent That’s not space-taking.That’s control through absence. Pattern check: This pattern may be present if: - silence follows accountability requests - you feel pressure to apologize just to restore contact - nothing ever gets resolved once communication resumes Silence becomes the consequence. Optional reflection (no pressure): - What usually happens right before the silence starts? - What are you expected to do to make it end? Reading is participation. Patterns don’t lie. People do. — Kim

Red Flag Pattern of the Day This is one of the most common patterns people bring into The Lab — and one of the hardest to name while it’s happening. You raise a concern calmly. You ask for clarity. You point out something specific. And somehow, the conversation ends with you apologizing. Not because you were wrong — but because: - they got upset - they felt “attacked” - they said your tone was the problem - they reframed your concern as cruelty Accountability quietly becomes your failure. What doesn’t happen: - The original issue isn’t addressed - Impact isn’t acknowledged - Resolution never happens The focus shifts away from the behavior and onto your reaction. This isn’t conflict resolution. It's avoidance disguised as sensitivity. This pattern shows up in: - Romantic relationships - Families - Workplaces - Friendships And it does not require malicious intent to be damaging. Impact matters more than intention. Optional reflection (no pressure): - What happened the last time you tried to address something directly? - Did the conversation stay on the issue — or shift to you? Reading is participation. Patterns don’t lie. — Kim