14d • General discussion
That Video Stirred me up: here’s my reflection
I’ve been thinking about the difference between discipline and a loss of control — especially after seeing a video yesterday that was painful to watch.
Here’s the truth:
Discipline teaches.
A loss of control harms.
Yelling, striking a child repeatedly, jerking them by the hair, or reacting out of anger is not discipline.
That’s an unregulated adult offloading their emotions onto someone smaller.
And it shows up everywhere — not just in parenting.
I see it in marriages, classrooms, workplaces, and friendships.
Whenever an adult has not learned to regulate their own emotions, everyone around them ends up paying for it.
After talking with my 14-year-old, he put it simply:
“Discipline is important. That was is too far.- we don’t pull hair.” 👀
If a 14-year-old can name the difference, adults should be able to as well.
But here’s the part most people never say out loud:
A lot of adults genuinely don’t know how to regulate their emotions.
Not because they’re bad people,
but because nobody ever taught them how.
So instead of just saying “handle your emotions,”
here’s what that actually looks like in practice:
What To Do When You Feel Yourself Losing Control (Your Ring Buoy, bc the struggle feels like you are drowning)
1. Pause for 10 seconds. Don’t talk. Don’t react.
A pause interrupts the emotional spiral.
2. Take one single deep breath. Not five. Not ten.
Just one. It lowers your heart rate enough to think clearly again.
3. Step away if you need to. Say, “I need a moment.”
Adults are allowed time-outs too.
4. Name what you’re feeling. “I’m overwhelmed.”
“I’m frustrated.” “I feel disrespected.” Naming an emotion reduces its intensity.(you can name this to yourself, write or it down, put it in your notes on your phone.)
5. Return regulated, not reactive. Only then should you discipline, correct behavior, or problem-solve.
(And maybe you need way more, like running, swimming, jiu-jitsu, CrossFit, pushing against the wall, marching, screaming into a pillow)
////
This isn’t softness.
This is self-control,
and self-control is the foundation of every healthy relationship — with kids, partners, coworkers, or anyone else.
If we want safer homes, stronger families, and healthier communities, it starts with one principle:
Regulate yourself first.
Then correct the behavior.
That’s leadership.
That’s responsibility.
And that’s how we break generational patterns — one regulated adult at a time.
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That Video Stirred me up: here’s my reflection
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