I left her alone in the villa for the evening. Something I have never, ever done. Not because I didn't want to — because she couldn't bear it. Her whole nervous system wouldn't allow it. Until Bali. 𝗪𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗟𝗜𝗙𝗘 𝗟𝗢𝗢𝗞𝗘𝗗 𝗟𝗜𝗞𝗘 𝗕𝗘𝗙𝗢𝗥𝗘 Back in Bedford, I couldn't go out and do anything independently for more than an hour. Lily became fearful, scared, overwhelmed about being on her own. She wouldn't leave the house without someone with her. She couldn't be left in the house alone. Her anxiety was constant. Her outbursts were frequent. Her nervous system was dysregulated for most of her life — and we tried everything. Everything the UK had to offer. For years. 𝗪𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗛𝗔𝗣𝗣𝗘𝗡𝗘𝗗 𝗜𝗡 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗙𝗜𝗥𝗦𝗧 𝗪𝗘𝗘𝗞 Within the first week of being in Bali, I noticed something very different about Lily. Her outbursts were much less. Her overwhelm was much less. And her anxiety had more or less disappeared. I went shopping because she didn't want to come. I was out for a good couple of hours. She was perfectly fine. The first full weekend, I was invited out with friends for the evening. No children. I was nervous — this wasn't something I'd ever done. I went anyway. And she was happy to be left at the villa on her own. She didn't feel scared. She didn't feel overwhelmed. She didn't feel unsafe. That is huge. For a child whose nervous system has been so dysregulated for most of her life — that is enormous. 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗟𝗜𝗦𝗧 𝗢𝗙 𝗙𝗜𝗥𝗦𝗧𝗦 𝗧𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗠𝗔𝗗𝗘 𝗠𝗘 𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗦𝗘 𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗦 𝗪𝗔𝗦 𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗟 In five weeks, Lily has gone out on her own. Navigated crossing busy streets by herself. Got on the back of a motorbike with people she doesn't know. Been left at home alone in the evening. Gone to music events she's never experienced before. Gone to bars she's never experienced before. I asked her — would you have thought five weeks ago that you'd do any of this? A resounding no. She couldn't have imagined it. And honestly? Neither could I. I could dream it. I could hope for it. But to actually be living it, experiencing it, watching it happen in real time — fuck me. It's surreal. It's unreal. It is just so igniting.

She was still in her UK tracksuit when we landed in Bali. I'd told her to change on the plane. She didn't. The heat hit us like a wall the second we stepped off and I thought — yeah. That's about right. Nothing about this was going to go smoothly. 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗕𝗜𝗧 𝗧𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗡𝗘𝗔𝗥𝗟𝗬 𝗦𝗧𝗢𝗣𝗣𝗘𝗗 𝗨𝗦 𝗕𝗘𝗙𝗢𝗥𝗘 𝗪𝗘 𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗡 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗥𝗧𝗘𝗗 Just before we got to passport control, I realised I hadn't done Lily's entrance forms. In all the chaos of leaving — the packing, the goodbyes, the absolute state of the last few weeks — I'd forgotten something completely basic. So there we were, standing in a queue at Denpasar airport, me on my phone frantically filling in forms so we could actually enter the country we'd just flown twelve hours to get to. And then the passport control officer looked at Lily's 30-day visa, looked at my two-year visa, and said — why has she only got 30 days if you've got two years? I could feel the panic rising. Shit. Are they going to turn us away? Have I done all of this and we're not even going to get through the door? Every worst case scenario hit me at once — and if you've got an AuDHD brain, you'll know that is not a small number of worst case scenarios. He let us through with a big smile. 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗡 𝗟𝗜𝗟𝗬'𝗦 𝗦𝗨𝗜𝗧𝗖𝗔𝗦𝗘 𝗙𝗘𝗟𝗟 𝗔𝗣𝗔𝗥𝗧 We got to baggage collection and her suitcase had burst open on the plane. It was wrapped in a clear bag. The staff were lovely about it — came straight over, asked us to check everything, said they'd file a missing items report if needed. Luckily nothing was gone. But we were two big suitcases, two backpacks, two handbags, both sweating, Lily absolutely roasting in that tracksuit, and I'm thinking — we haven't even left the airport yet. 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗗𝗥𝗜𝗩𝗘 𝗧𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗠𝗔𝗗𝗘 𝗜𝗧 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗟 Our driver was a friend of our usual driver — lovely, really lovely. And the drive from Denpasar to Ubud, I just kept looking out the window. The statues. The greenery. The people on motorbikes carrying things you genuinely cannot believe are on a motorbike. It was surreal. Beautiful. Like nothing I'd ever seen in real life before, only in pictures I'd been staring at for fifteen years.

The last few days have been a bit of a whirlwind. I've been out cold, basically. 𝗪𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗥𝗧𝗘𝗗 𝗔𝗦 𝗦𝗢𝗠𝗘𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗠𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗤𝗨𝗜𝗖𝗞𝗟𝗬 𝗕𝗘𝗖𝗔𝗠𝗘 𝗦𝗢𝗠𝗘𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗘𝗟𝗦𝗘 𝗘𝗡𝗧𝗜𝗥𝗘𝗟𝗬 I started to feel a little bit unwell last week, and that progressed and ended up with me having to go to a Bali clinic to be seen. I've got a kidney infection, which has completely wiped me out. 𝗙𝗢𝗥 𝗧𝗛𝗢𝗦𝗘 𝗪𝗛𝗢 𝗗𝗢𝗡'𝗧 𝗞𝗡𝗢𝗪, 𝗜 𝗔𝗟𝗦𝗢 𝗛𝗔𝗩𝗘 𝗘𝗡𝗗𝗢𝗠𝗘𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗢𝗦𝗜𝗦 — 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗧𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗡𝗚𝗘𝗦 𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗬𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗪𝗛𝗘𝗡 𝗜𝗧 𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗘𝗦 𝗧𝗢 𝗔𝗡𝗬𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗜𝗡𝗩𝗢𝗟𝗩𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗥 𝗥𝗘𝗣𝗥𝗢𝗗𝗨𝗖𝗧𝗜𝗩𝗘 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗨𝗥𝗜𝗡𝗔𝗥𝗬 𝗦𝗬𝗦𝗧𝗘𝗠 I've got to say, the clinic here was amazing. The fact that I've got endometriosis meant that they wanted to do some thorough tests to make sure that the infection was just that and not something to do with the endometriosis, causing problems with my ureter, kidneys, and bladder. I got seen really quickly, and they were very kind and caring, and their English was amazing. While at the clinic, I had blood tests, urine tests, and kidney tests done, and the results for these were back the same day — literally hours later. 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗦 𝗜𝗦 𝗪𝗛𝗘𝗥𝗘 𝗜𝗧 𝗚𝗘𝗧𝗦 𝗜𝗡𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗘𝗦𝗧𝗜𝗡𝗚 — 𝗘𝗦𝗣𝗘𝗖𝗜𝗔𝗟𝗟𝗬 𝗜𝗙 𝗬𝗢𝗨'𝗥𝗘 𝗙𝗥𝗢𝗠 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗨𝗞 In the UK, if you have blood tests or anything, you have to wait at least 5 days to get the results, and you have to be called in. Here, they just WhatsApped me with the results, broke it all down for the medical jargon, and gave me advice based on that, which was really helpful. They took into consideration my endometriosis, and we had a conversation about where it has been known to be in my body and what it has been known to have affected, so they could make a clearer diagnosis. I think this is really positive. Back in the UK, I would have just been told, "You've got an infection. Deal with it. Here's your antibiotics. Get on with it." Here, they were really good and really considerate of everything. They didn't just look at the one thing; they looked at everything together to make sure they were giving the right diagnosis and the right treatment plan as well. That's a huge difference from the UK.

𝗧𝗪𝗢 𝗪𝗘𝗘𝗞𝗦 𝗢𝗙 𝗔 𝗪𝗛𝗢𝗟𝗘 𝗡𝗘𝗪 𝗟𝗜𝗙𝗘 Today marks two weeks of living in Bali. I've been a bit shit with keeping up with the blog, but there's been a lot going on, as you can well imagine. The lead up was just so chaotic and I was so overwhelmed that my plans didn't happen, so I will be doing some videos and stuff, just documenting what happened for me and Lily in the lead up and talking about all the real, raw things, because I think it's important for people to see that it's not all sunshine and rainbows. 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗟𝗔𝗦𝗧 𝗧𝗪𝗢 𝗪𝗘𝗘𝗞𝗦 𝗛𝗔𝗩𝗘 𝗕𝗘𝗘𝗡 𝗔𝗟𝗢𝗧 Since being here for the last two weeks, there's been so many things that have happened- Lily's experienced: - nights out - live music - going on the back of a motorbike for the first time - eating Indonesian food - being able to go out on her own - making friends and meeting up with friends All sorts of stuff, which is epic, and this is one of the reasons why we moved to Bali. 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗬 𝗢𝗙 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗥𝗧𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗢𝗩𝗘𝗥 For me, it's been an epic journey. I'm still finding my feet. I am having a bike delivered today, so that's going to be a whole new experience for me, and I need to practise that, which is bringing up some nerves and some anxiety, because I haven't ridden a motorbike since I was in my teens, and the Bali roads are very different to the UK roads. 𝗙𝗜𝗚𝗨𝗥𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗢𝗨𝗧 𝗢𝗨𝗥 𝗡𝗘𝗪 𝗡𝗢𝗥𝗠𝗔𝗟 Trying to find a rhythm with work and home educating, social life, day-to-day living things that we need to do is a work in progress, but two weeks is not a long time at all. We will find our footing and we will find our rhythm. We will find what works for us, but in the meantime it's all about going with the flow and not being super planned, which is really hard for my autistic brain, which likes structure, routine, and clear time scales and stuff. 𝗕𝗔𝗟𝗜 𝗧𝗜𝗠𝗘 𝗜𝗦 𝗔 𝗪𝗛𝗢𝗟𝗘 𝗗𝗜𝗙𝗙𝗘𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗧 𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗡𝗚 To be around people that are so chill and where 15 minutes is like half an hour to an hour and everything's just so relaxed here can be a little bit frustrating, but this is something that I'm learning to deal with, because it is part of life here.

𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗡𝗘𝗪 𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗣𝗧𝗘𝗥 𝗕𝗘𝗚𝗜𝗡𝗦 So the new chapter has begun. We are finally in Bali. This has been a long time coming. 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗕𝗜𝗧 𝗡𝗢 𝗢𝗡𝗘 𝗧𝗔𝗟𝗞𝗦 𝗔𝗕𝗢𝗨𝗧 The lead up to being here has been one hell of a ride. We have had lots of highs and lows in the few months that we were getting ready to come. My plan originally was to document everything, but chaos hit, overwhelm hit, and dysregulation hit. In all honesty, I wasn't able to string a sentence together, let alone do any form of videos or writing to keep everyone updated on our travels and our journey. 𝗪𝗛𝗬 𝗜’𝗠 𝗦𝗛𝗔𝗥𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗦 𝗡𝗢𝗪 I will be documenting the journey here on my blog and everywhere else because I know we're not the only people to go through these things. I know there are other people wanting to make big moves or big life changes like this, knowing how to honour yourself and come back to yourself when needed, and actually letting go of certain things at times when pressure gets too high. 𝗪𝗘’𝗥𝗘 𝗔𝗖𝗧𝗨𝗔𝗟𝗟𝗬 𝗛𝗘𝗥𝗘 We are on our second full day in Bali, and we arrived three days ago. I have to say I feel like I'm at home. This just feels like, yeah, my place. 𝗟𝗜𝗟𝗬’𝗦 𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗙𝗧 (𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗪𝗢𝗪… 𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗦 𝗢𝗡𝗘 𝗛𝗜𝗧 𝗠𝗘) Lily has settled really well. She's loving it here and said that she feels very calm and is shocked by how calm she feels and has really enjoyed kind of seeing the little bits around like children, walking the streets without adults present, just everyone being so friendly and happy. The warmth obviously makes a really big difference: the sunshine, the having a pool. It's just all really surreal for her at the moment, and I'm sure that she's going to have lots of highs and lows, but I already know that this was definitely the right move to make for her. 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗕𝗜𝗧 𝗧𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗡𝗚𝗘𝗦 𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗬𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗡𝗚 Bringing her to a different country is a huge thing and one no parent would take lightly, but for me, knowing that she can start to get settled, find her feet, make friends, and go out is just phenomenal, absolutely phenomenal. She's even been happy for me to leave her at the villa where I go off and do things that needed to be done, like sorting out the internet or going to the shop or going to get food. Before, she would always have to come with me. She wouldn't feel safe enough to be left at home when we were in the UK, but here she's happy to be left, which is a big revelation for us, a huge one.