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2d • BEDFORD TO BALI
WHEN YOUR WHOLE LIFE IS IN PILES ON THE FLOOR AND YOU’RE STILL TRYING TO HOLD IT ALL TOGETHER
IN THE PROCESS OF SORTING EVERYTHING OUT
In the process of sorting out all my belongings, my house currently looks like what I can only describe as a jumble sale. There are piles of clothes, shoes, bags of bits and pieces to be sold, boxes of things to be sold or given away scattered all over my living room. Everywhere I look there is something that needs deciding, sorting, or letting go of. And if I’m honest, it’s making me feel a little bit out of sorts. There is so much visually going on that it’s actually overwhelming my mind a little bit, like my brain doesn’t quite know where to land because there is just so much everywhere.
WHAT I’VE REALISED ABOUT ALL OF THIS
I know this is all part of the process of reducing everything so we can move to Bali, but being quite ruthless with it isn’t easy, especially when you’re doing it on your own. There’s a lot of energy, emotions, and feelings attached to things. Even the small bits hold something. They take up space physically, but they also hold meaning in some way. So trying to detach from that and release it is a huge part of this journey, but it’s also one of the most challenging parts of this journey.
IF I’M HONEST… THIS BIT STINGS A LITTLE
There are moments where I see things that have been part of my life and realise they’re no longer going to be part of it, and that does sting a little bit. Not because they’re things I need to keep forever, because they’re not, but because they’ve been part of my life. And there’s something about letting go of things when you don’t quite feel ready that feels uncomfortable. But at the same time, I know that there isn’t really a choice here. I can’t leave everything behind, and I can’t take everything with me. So holding onto it just doesn’t make sense anymore.
THE REALITY OF THE NEXT FEW WEEKS
What I have realised is that over the next five weeks, I’m probably going to feel quite scattered mentally, emotionally, and physically. There is a lot to deal with, a lot to sort out, and a lot of changes happening all at once. And even though I know it’s all for the greater good, it doesn’t stop it from feeling overwhelming at times. I’m super aware of what’s coming, and I’m so looking forward to the freedom that’s going to come with moving to Bali. Not having all of the baggage, not physically and not energetically, is going to create so much space for both me and Lily. It’s just getting to that point that is the process, and it’s definitely a process.
YESTERDAY HIT ME IN A WAY I DIDN’T EXPECT
Yesterday, me and Lily took some things to the shop to send that we had sold, and on the walk she said, “It’s all happening Mum, your dreams are coming true.” That stopped me for a second. We had a conversation about it, because yes, it is a lifelong dream of mine, but it’s not just something that’s magically happening. It’s happening because I’ve put the wheels in motion. Because I’ve done the things that needed to be done. Because I didn’t just leave it as a dream. And that really hit me. I’ve actually turned something that lived in my head for years into a real reality.
HOW THIS IS IMPACTING MY WORK
What’s going on at home has definitely had an impact on my work. I feel more scattered, less grounded, less composed in the way I’m showing up. But noticing that is actually a good thing, because it means I can do something about it. I can find a better way to balance everything so I don’t fall back into old patterns of self-sabotage, where I hide away when things are going well.
THE PATTERN I CAUGHT BEFORE IT TOOK OVER
Over the last couple of days, I’ve had that awareness creeping in. I’ve slowed down with my videos, and although part of that was the experiment, I can feel that combined with everything else, it’s had a knock-on effect.
SO NOW… THIS IS WHAT I’M DOING
I’m making a conscious decision to pick it back up and move forward again. To step back into the things I know I want to be doing. To get back into my rhythm. Because this isn’t just about business. It’s a huge part of who I am. And it’s a huge part of what’s going to support me and Lily when we’re living in Bali. 💗
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WHEN YOUR WHOLE LIFE IS IN PILES ON THE FLOOR AND YOU’RE STILL TRYING TO HOLD IT ALL TOGETHER
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Documenting my journey: real, raw life as a neurodiverse mum. First solo trip to Bali 🏝️
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