WHEN YOUR BODY HITS THE PAUSE BUTTON (AND YOU DON’T WANT IT TO)

🔥

When I woke this morning, the house was silent.

It was dark outside and I noticed a niggling feeling in my throat, like dryness and a bit of soreness. I didn’t think too much of it. I grabbed a drink thinking maybe the heating was on too high last night and that had caused me to dry out a little bit.

It wasn’t until later when I sent a voice note to somebody that I realised my voice was starting to go and that niggling feeling was actually a sore throat.

My day started normally. Doing exercise, and then I sat to open my laptop. I left Lily sleeping because she’s been struggling to sleep with the full moon that we’ve just had.

I was sitting there thinking I’m not going to let this sore throat knock me off path because that’s what I’ve done so many times before. So I cracked on. Duvet over me on the sofa, got comfy, and dived into doing some work.

Some of that work was actually around the move to Bali. I’d been meaning to sit down and properly map things out, so I started putting together a day-by-day plan of what needs to happen between now and when Lily and I move. There are so many moving parts, and having it written down in a way that feels manageable makes such a difference.

I also spent some time organising bits around the house that need sorting before we go. Little things that are easy to ignore until suddenly you realise they all need doing at once. It felt good to start putting those pieces into place, like things were slowly lining up rather than swirling around in my head.

But as the day went on, my voice got progressively worse.

There were points where I was trying to speak and no sounds were coming out. I didn’t manage to do the video that I’d planned to do because there was no voice to do the video. And I felt really frustrated. Because I didn’t want to lose momentum with how far I’ve come with the videos.

To be honest, I’m actually really enjoying doing them.

After a conversation with a friend who said sometimes we just need to give in and rest, that’s exactly what I did. I did my non-negotiables for the morning and then decided I needed to step back and have a bit of self-care today. So I went and laid in the shower, as I often do when I need grounding, because water is my place for grounding.

I laid in the shower for ages. The water just running down, and me envisioning it taking away the sore throat and all the thoughts that I had in my head, just washing down the drain. The steam helped too.

It felt like everything was slowing down.

When I came out of the shower I ended up just laying on my bed for a bit because honestly I really wasn’t feeling up to much else. I had a call with my second daughter which didn’t help my voice at all.

And I ended the night feeling quite deflated because I’d had such big plans for today and didn’t manage to do them.

THE LESSON I NEEDED TO HEAR

Sometimes we push.

Sometimes we force.

And sometimes the body just says no.

Today was one of those days.

Sometimes we just need to take a step back and rest. 💗

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