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Jan 27 (edited) • BEDFORD TO BALI
THREE DAYS TO GO AND I’M ABOUT TO FLY TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD
AND WOW, THIS IS HAPPENING.
Three days until I jet off, fuck me it’s come round QUICK, it’s just flown past and I’m kind of in a bit of shock right now that it’s only three days and I will be getting on a plane and flying off to the other side of the world, which is honestly how epic but also how scary is that at the same time.
THE ANXIETY CHECK-IN.
My anxiety has subsided quite a bit today and I genuinely think that’s thanks to the Ashwagandha I took yesterday, I really do think it’s made a big difference. I did feel a little bit anxious this morning but that soon went once I started concentrating on other things, which was really good and felt like a bit of a relief.
TODAY WITH LILS
I had a really good day with Lils today. We spent the morning just doing our usual thing, her; a little routine of chores, a bit of learning and then me doing some work, which was actually really nice. We’d planned to go to the cinema last week and then postponed it, so today that’s exactly what we did. We booked our tickets and went off to watch the new Avatar film and I have to say, it is a good film. I do love the Avatar films anyway but this one really is a good one.
There was one bit in the film where I got jump scared and I do not jump scare easily at all, the kids try all the time and they never get me, but this one got me and I shouted “oh shit” at the top of my voice. I didn’t even realise I’d said it out loud until people turned round and Lils was just laughing her head off and I was like… did I actually say that out loud, but honestly it was funny and thank god it wasn’t a packed cinema because that would have been such a typical moment.
We spent just over three hours in the cinema which took up most of our afternoon and that was actually really nice. We just sat there together watching a film and laughing at me being a complete doughnut and getting jump scared of all places.
THE WIND-DOWN.
When we got home, Lils went off to play on her PlayStation and I kicked back and watched some TV for a little bit. My head has been a bit all over the place with so many things that I want to do and feel like I need to do and I’m just trying to get a hold of that. Dyslexia and ADHD really like to mess with my mojo and then play tricks on my autism and try to send me off down all these mental rabbit holes with what I’m thinking and planning.
So having an evening like this, just sitting back and going okay, I can breathe, I don’t need to be filled with all these thoughts and feelings, I can just be present with myself, even if that’s by watching a bit of shit TV, was actually really nice. It felt good to not be focusing on everything else for a change and just sitting back and taking stock for myself, but not in any big deep way, just in a way of saying okay, breathe now, you can stop, you can slow down the thoughts and feelings and just be.
LOOKING AHEAD.
That’s something I don’t do very often. I don’t really take that time out because ADHD likes to keep me busy and keep me going and doing all the things. I think a big part of preparing for being in Bali is knowing that things are going to slow down a bit out there and I really want to be present with myself as part of this trip and slow things down from the way I’ve always lived and see the world from a different perspective, which will be really nice.
So yeah, three days. Damn. Three days. Talking about it gives me a little rush right now but it’s all good, it’s all gravy. I’m off to try and get a good night’s sleep because that’s been very hit and miss lately and my sleep has been all over the shop, so I’m really hoping tonight is one of the good ones.
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THREE DAYS TO GO AND I’M ABOUT TO FLY TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD
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Documenting my journey: real, raw life as a neurodiverse mum. First solo trip to Bali 🏝️
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