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24d (edited) • BEDFORD TO BALI
JEEZ I AM LOSING ALL TRACK OF DAYS NOW (IN AN EPIC AF WAY)
THE LAST MORNING OF THE RETREAT.
Day ten, the end of the retreat, and it was a bittersweet kind of day.
This morning was full of reflection. Looking at how we’ve all grown, the friendships we’ve created, and how we’ve gelled as a group of women together has been absolutely beautiful in so many ways.
I woke up around 6:30-ish and nobody else was awake. I was the only one up. I’d already packed my bags the night before, so I didn’t really have much to do. There was no yoga this morning because it was the last day and breakfast wasn’t until nine, so it was a much slower start, but at the same time it felt like the morning went really quickly.
We just settled into chatting, talking about what everyone’s plans were for the next few days, and everything felt very gentle and unhurried.
I’m really glad I didn’t go out last night because I genuinely needed a good night’s sleep. I fell asleep before my roommate even came back from her massage, which just shows how absolutely knackered I was.
EMOTIONS STARTING TO RISE.
After breakfast, we sorted our bits and then had a sharing circle at 10 o’clock in the yoga shala, where we’d spent most of our time connecting and doing sessions.
The morning felt strange for me. I was kind of just moving about, feeling a bit lost, not really knowing what to do with myself. There were a lot of emotions bubbling up for people as the reality of saying goodbye started to sink in.
We sang happy birthday to a couple of the girls, one whose birthday was today and one whose birthday is tomorrow. It was really lovely to celebrate them in that roundabout way.
Then I got my certificate for Reiki level one, which felt really special. We shared a little bit about our journeys and what we were grateful for, and honestly, I’m grateful for so many things I could be here all day listing them.
In a nutshell, I’m grateful for the entire retreat experience. The growth, the healing, and the person I’ve become as a result of it. I feel so chilled now. I feel free of so much weight that I’ve been carrying for years.
SAYING GOODBYE, ONE BY ONE.
After that, it was time to make sure we had all our bits together and start heading off.
I was one of the last to leave because I was sharing a taxi with the two ladies who were running the retreat, as we were heading back to the same area. So I stood there waving each person off as they left.
There were a lot of emotions. A lot of tears. Happy tears. A lot of love. It was really moving.
Eventually, I got on the back of a scooter and off up the road we went. We met the car further along because we had big bags and couldn’t take them all on the bikes.
We dropped my friend off at her house, the one who lives in Bali, and left the bags we’re not taking with her. Tomorrow we’re heading to Nusa Lembongan, and taking big bags just isn’t practical. We don’t need much. It’s more of a beach holiday for the next few days, which is going to be lovely.
BACK TO WHERE IT ALL BEGAN.
We headed back to the place I stayed in my first few days in Bali. I wasn’t ready to check in yet, so I went and had a slow, relaxing jungle tea, which is my absolute favourite. Ginger, cinnamon, herbs… just gorgeous.
After that, I checked into my room and then headed out into the centre because I wanted to get some clothes. I mean, why not?
I walked through the walkway beside the monkey forest on my own. No freaking out. No panic. I even managed to take pictures and videos of the monkeys doing their thing as I walked through.
I was so proud of myself. Like, genuinely proud. The first day was traumatic, and today I really felt like I’d put that to bed.
WHEN ONE OUTFIT TURNS INTO FOUR.
I walked up the road and saw an outfit outside a shop that really caught my eye, so in I went. I ended up buying four outfits when I only planned to buy one.
When in Rome.
They’re all beautiful, flowy, comfortable, soft material, perfect for the weather here and also wearable back home. But I’m also thinking long-term, thinking about when I actually move here.
After trying everything on back in my room and loving all of it, I headed off to Widi’s Spa, where I had my first massage in Bali.
HEALING, RELEASE, AND SPARKLY PINK.
I had a healing massage and oh my fucking god… honestly, wow. She worked deeply on my problem areas, my lower back and shoulders, and I had a full 90 minutes of pure release.
Even the therapist said I need to come back because my shoulders are bad, and I was like, yeah, I know, that’s from an accident I had a few years ago.
After that, I had my first ever reflexology session. Some of it was painful, but that pain shows there’s stuff going on inside the body, so it’s actually useful information. Then came a leg and foot massage, which left my calves and feet feeling loose and calm.
In between shopping and the spa, the heavens absolutely opened. Intense rain, crazy thunder. I just watched it and listened, really enjoying what nature was sharing with me.
I went out in it anyway.
I had my toenails painted after reflexology, and anyone who knows me will not be surprised that I went for sparkly pink. Obviously.
While I was sitting there, I watched monkeys outside the window, swinging across wires between trees, playing, climbing, being cheeky. One of them was hanging underneath a rope with just his hands and feet, which was adorable. Even the massage ladies were laughing and watching them with me.
PLANNING… BUT NOT TOO MUCH.
Back in my room, I started loosely looking at plans for after Gili. I’m trying not to plan too intensely, but I wanted to see what’s realistic and what isn’t.
There’s one place I really want to go to, but it’s far out and only accessible by car, so it might make more sense to do it when me and Lily come back together. That said… I might just say fuck it and go anyway. Who knows.
I’m in such a relaxed flow state right now. It’s so unlike the old me. But this is the new me. Chilled. Open. Going with the flow.
One of the big takeaways from the retreat was me talking about my “fuck bucket”. Anything that scares me or doesn’t serve me goes straight in it. One of the women said she’s taking that with her and using it in her own life, which honestly made my heart sing.
ENDING THE DAY WITH LOVE.
I wasn’t that hungry this evening, and honestly, missing one meal isn’t going to harm me. I drank lots of water, messaged Lily, and then called her and Racheal so we could have a proper catch-up.
They showed me the new kittens that arrived early yesterday morning, and we just chatted. Lily said she misses me and can’t wait for me to come home, and I feel the same. I miss her deeply.
But this break has been incredible for both of us. She’ll appreciate me more, and I’ll appreciate her more. And I’ll be coming home a completely different woman. So much lighter. So much calmer. Having released years of heaviness.
LOOKING AHEAD.
I’m getting tired now and I want an early night because we’ve got travelling to do tomorrow. Next stop: Nusa Lembongan.
I cannot wait for the sunsets there. They are supposed to be absolutely magical on the beach.
So that’s me for today, signing off.I’ll catch you all tomorrow. 💗
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JEEZ I AM LOSING ALL TRACK OF DAYS NOW (IN AN EPIC AF WAY)
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Documenting my journey: real, raw life as a neurodiverse mum. First solo trip to Bali 🏝️
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