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5d • BEDFORD TO BALI
DREAMS GOING FULL THROTTLE, OLD PATTERNS TRYING TO SNEAK BACK IN WHEN EVERYTHING HAPPENS AT ONCE
LAST WEEK FLEW BY
So many epic things happening all at once and I noticed that being back some of my old patterns were creeping in and that’s not something that I want to continue.
We had a busy week with workmen coming in because I’m having solar panels added to my home. I had four grandchildren over the weekend and last week there was so much planning happening in regards to mine and Lily’s move to Bali.
The adaptations to my home were only told to me just before I went on my solo trip to Bali and since coming back it’s been full throttle. Workmen coming in to do different assessments on the property and add things that need to be added like the electrics and stuff for the solar panels and then I got the phone call that they’re actually fitting them this week.
It’s been like a whirlwind.
But it’s good because it lowers our outgoings and it’s better for the environment and the electricity is made from natural resources that the universe provides us.
AUADHD, JUGGLING AND REALITY HITTING
Now the planning for our move to Bali has been epic in every way, but it has disrupted my thinking when it comes to business and day-to-day life.
But that’s just part of having AuADHD and dyslexia. Things are not always smooth sailing and can get muddled when you’re trying to juggle a lot of things at once.
So as all this planning goes on, mine and Lily’s visa is now in process which has been epic and exciting but also nerve racking at the same time because reality is hitting in now. This is really real.
THE VILLA, THE TEARS AND THE “OH SHIT THIS IS HAPPENING” MOMENT
I’ve also secured accommodation which was a whole thing in itself.
The property was advertised, a friend saw it within an hour or so of it being advertised and then when I woke up I messaged them. My friend went to view it for me. It was like 1 o’clock in the morning my time but she went to view it and I just woke up a little bit before that naturally, but obviously with intuition telling me this is when she’s going to see it.
So I was sitting waiting for her to send me the video and to speak to her about it because I was super excited.
I was awake from like 12:30 at night until 3:30 in the morning juggling the time difference and all the questions and stuff that needed to be asked in regard to the villa that Lily and I have now secured.
This is really exciting.
But it came with a lot of emotions.
Once I secured that villa I actually cried because for me it was the moment that everything was real.
My life dream to live in a tropical country where people are much kinder and there is a sense of community is coming through.
It’s happening.
For Lily there were also lots of tears and mixed emotions because on the one hand she’s really excited about going to Bali and starting a new life out there, but on the other hand there’s so many things that she’s leaving behind which is hard for her, especially with her neurodiversities and the complexities that come with it.
Change is huge. But change isn’t bad. It just needs adjustment and it needs processing time.
I’m glad that we’re not rushing this and going tomorrow kind of thing because Lily needs time to actually accept what the changes are and allow her nervous system the time to settle into what them changes are gonna look like for her.
GRANDKIDS, GUILT AND THE FEAR OF DISTANCE
For me the realisation that I’m gonna be away from my other kids and my grandkids has really hit hard.
Especially seeing the kids over the weekend knowing that it won’t be as simple as them just coming over for the weekend anymore and worrying that the dynamics of our relationship may change because I’m not going to be that grandparent that they see all the time and stay with all the time and have fun with.
On the one hand I know this is an amazing thing that I’m doing.
On the other hand I feel that there’s a sadness associated with the things that I’m going to be missing out on.
But that said my son is already planning to come out next year with his girlfriend which will be lovely and we’ll be working out ways that the grandchildren are able to come and see me and Lils ☺️ and me and Lils are able to come back and see the kids.
It won’t be a frequent thing so we’ll have to make use of things like video calls and messages and ensure that we have times where we definitely connect every single week to make sure that their relationships stay as they are.
They will adapt and change but I don’t want to lose the closeness that I have with all my grandchildren because I love the relationship I have with them.
HOLDING EXCITEMENT AND SADNESS AT THE SAME TIME
I know that there’s going to be a lot of adjustment for everybody when we do move, but that comes with the territory.
And I don’t want to fixate on that because it will take away from the excitement and the enjoyment of the move overall.
This is big.This is real.This is happening.
And I can hold the joy and the grief in the same hand without letting either of them run the show. 💗
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DREAMS GOING FULL THROTTLE, OLD PATTERNS TRYING TO SNEAK BACK IN WHEN EVERYTHING HAPPENS AT ONCE
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Documenting my journey: real, raw life as a neurodiverse mum. First solo trip to Bali 🏝️
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