I’ve been a bit quiet lately because life has been kicking my arse in the nicest possible way
all the preparations for our big move out to Bali are starting to come to ahead
because we fly on Wednesday
The last few weeks have been absolute chaos
with my second oldest daughter moving in with her two kids
a family camping trip
the house up in absolute arms
because there is a mixture of mine and Lils stuff
It’s been sorted out and packed and sold
and kind of set away for things were keeping
plus then or my daughter and a kid stuff moving into the house
I’ve been extremely overwhelmed
There’s been a lot of emotions coming up
a lot of realisations
a lot of excitement
Lils had some higher and some Lowes
She’s now finished at cadets five over the last day
and she got a lovely little gift from them and a card
which was really sweet
There was a change to our flights
which kind of threw me off a bit
and that’s meant that we’re now having to get a hotel the night before by the airport
because I otherwise we wouldn’t make it to the airport at the time we need to
backwards and forwards with my villa
backwards and forwards with my Visa lady
there’s a lot to organise that you can imagine
plus packing all of mine and little stuff
and that’s been a adventure on its own
trying to make sure that we’re not overpacking things
but also not leaving stuff behind this vital
and that tends to be more like they keep shaking things that we want to take with us than anything else
selling loads of my stuff
and then having to post all of that
and deal with the messages
and backwards and forwards
so that’s been fun
I lost my fire on Skool
because I missed a couple of days of even just checking in on there
because in all honesty I just couldn’t think straight
I literally didn’t leave my arse for my elbow
My head was just a complete mess
I was regulating every day
and grounding every day
but nothing seemed to be actually kind of grounded me
I had to do driving with a nine seater
with all the grandkids and that in the car
after good three years of not driving properly or long distances
so anxiety was really bad for me
It was literally kicking my arse
even though I took my Ganda tablets
They really didn’t touch the sides of it
and the anxiety didn’t just kind of go once we got back
the anxiety stage for a good three or four days
so I’m only now like a week after we’re back from camping
starting to feel like the anxiety is disappearing
and I’m able to actually string a sentence together
because I couldn’t even speak at one point
like everything was coming out muddled and mumbled
and nobody could really understand what I was saying
I was speaking in code
because I just couldn’t really get my words out
so I talk about emotional regulation
and this is proof that emotional regulation doesn’t mean that you are regulated all the time
There is highs and lows
but it’s about how you can come back to yourself quicker
now before it would’ve taken me months
to be able to try and regulate again
but now it’s taking me a lot less time
Don’t get me wrong
I’m still overwhelmed
I’m still stressed
and there is still a lot going on
but in this little few days that we have left
and spending time with my grandkids
and my daughter
and checking in with my other children and grandchildren
and just to kind of make the most of the time that we’ve got left here
I think that’s it for me for now.