I’m feeling very lost right now, and I’m actually struggling to put it into words, which for me is saying something because HELLO… words are usually my thing.
The last two weeks, you might have noticed things have been a little bit different. I haven’t really been running my online businesses the way I normally do, I haven’t been as present, as loud, as “on it”… and yes, they’ve still been running, and for that I am truly grateful, like totes grateful, but my energy has been elsewhere.
I’ve been running an in-person retreat here in Bali, you probably saw the stories, the smiles, the magic, the tropical vibes… and then after that I took a few days to integrate.
And honestly… it’s been waves.
Waves of guilt.
Waves of emotion.
Waves of severe anxiety.
Panic.
Catastrophising.
Peacefulness.
Calm.
High highs.
Low lows.
All of it. All the feelings. Like someone turned the emotional volume up to MAX and then just left it there.
There’s been a lot going on behind the scenes in my life. And I think that’s the bit we forget sometimes… we don’t always see the full picture of someone’s world. You see the retreat stories, the sunshine, the yoga, the “living the dream” stuff… but honestly, some of the stories happening behind the curtain, you couldn’t make this shit up. Like big time. All will be revealed at some point go sho , I’m sure I’ll laugh about parts of it in a week or two, because that’s what I do… but right now it has been turbulent. It has been A LOT LOT!
So today I’m sat here on a tropical island, looking out at the ocean, and I’ve taken a full day to myself Eek
On my own. I haven’t done that in many, many years. Just me. No Nami. No holding space. No performing. No solving. Just sitting. Being with myself and my thoughts.
A vegan lasagna nom
A glass of white wine more nom
And this message to you whoop
I don’t have a neat ending. I don’t have a lesson wrapped in a bow. I just know I’m working through this feeling of lostness. There’s confusion around some things. Big things. And I’m trusting that clarity will come, like it always does, eventually… fingers crossed, hey.
Thank you for your patience. Thank you for being here even when I go quiet or weird or inward. It means more than you probably realise.
I love you lots.
Ciao for now. 🤍