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15d • Life, Bali & Nami Bits
HUGE STEPS FOR NAMI AND I ❤️
Yesterday felt like a really BIG day for me, in ways that might look small from the outside but felt huge in my body.
I’ve lived in this house for almost a year now. Almost a full year. And until yesterday, I’d never had people round properly. No housewarming. No open house. No “come over and hang out.” And the reason for that has mostly been Nami.
If you know, you know.
Living with a dog who’s had trauma means everything becomes a calculation. Who comes in. How they move. Where she is. Where I am. What happens if this goes wrong. What happens if that triggers her.
So without really meaning to, I’d kept myself pretty isolated. It felt safer that way. Quieter. Controlled.
But recently, something shifted. I’ve been decorating, retouching bits of the house, making it feel more like home. And with that came this quiet nudge of, I don’t actually want to live like this forever. I don’t want to keep shrinking my life to keep everything perfectly contained.
So a couple of weeks ago, I said to my friends, on this day, I’m doing an open house. Come round if you want. No pressure. Just… come.
I planned it properly. I made Nami a safe space. Not an emergency space, but a proper “you’re okay here” space. Blanket. Familiar smells. Options. An exit if needed.
And then yesterday came.
I was anxious. Not just about Nami either. I realised I was anxious about hosting in general. I hadn’t done it in so long. Having people in my space again felt weirdly vulnerable.
But honestly? It went so much better than my brain had predicted.
The weather actually helped. It wasn’t raining, but it wasn’t blazing hot either.
So Fluffy Nami stayed outside in the garden on a triple leash setup. She still had space to wander. She had her blanket. She could see everything.
She barked and growled a few times when people arrived, because, well… she’s fearful, and was like who are these strange people entering my space. And then she settled. She watched. She spectated. She even had a little nap, cute AF…
When the rain eventually came, we moved her into the kitchen with a small mesh barrier so she could still see everyone.
I also walked her around the people a few times, slowly, gently, just to get her familiar with the energy.
She was okay. Someone gave her chicken at one point, which honestly put her in an excellent mood. Chicken fixes many things for princess fluff bum.
Later on, when she was in the kitchen, she did get more on edge. But I clocked why. I’d given her a bone. And food guarding plus tiredness plus a long day is not the combo. So if anyone came near, the growl came out, the snap came out, the little “absolutely not” energy appeared.
And to be fair to her, friends started arriving around midday and we didn’t finish until about ten at night.
That’s a LOT of information for a dog who’s already hyper-vigilant. It was a long day.
But here’s the thing.
There were also moments where she was fully relaxed. Fully safe. Just… existing. And those moments mattered.
At the end of the night, when it was just three friends left, we lifted the barrier. No big announcement. No fuss. We just let her be. And she stood there, curious, had a little sniff around, checked everyone out. We didn’t react. We didn’t crowd her. We just carried on like she was part of the room.
And she was fine.
She eventually took herself off to the bedroom and went to sleep because she was absolutely knackered. One friend walked past to go to the loo, which normally would’ve triggered a growl, and I just calmly said, “It’s okay, Nami.” And it was.
No drama. No explosion. Just… progress.
I didn’t take any photos. I was too in it. Too present. And honestly, I’m glad.
So yeah. Big moves. One big day. One really meaningful result. And I’m deeply grateful for that.
And also, because this is real life and not a highlight reel, I want to say this too.
Alongside all of that pride and relief, there’s also this deep, deep sadness and anxiety sitting in me that has nothing to do with Nami. It shows up around this time every year. I haven’t shifted it yet. It’s just there.
That’s a story for another day.
But for now, I’m holding both. The progress. And the heaviness. And reminding myself that sometimes growth looks like hosting a house full of friends… and then letting yourself feel whatever comes after.
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HUGE STEPS FOR NAMI AND I ❤️
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