Task No 2 · Expert Coach Certification

Task No 2

Practice using the belief system:

I butt heads with my boyfriend all the time about him keeping our place picked up when I'm gone. This has been a huge battle with us for years!!! Lots of arguing and me being disappointed and mad.

Last night I returned to our home after being away for a week or so. He actually did most of his dishes, had things picked up, and he'd done laundry which was still in piles waiting to be folded and put away. Today I folded his stuff and told him it was ready for him to put away when he gets home from work. Talking to him on the phone, I acknowledged his effort, making it known to him I noticed the things he'd done! Also pointed out I don't mind "helping" him complete his chores ... my frustration has been me having to do them all. Anyway, I believe I used the transformational belief system in this instance without even realizing it?!?

As I'm continuing on my certification journey today, and given the circumstances of Jay having finally listen to me, I feel I have a spring in my step ... I'm 1 step closer to "teaching" him through "communicating"!

Evaluate = Jay was ignoring my wishes on sharing household chores 50/50. His Mom was a stay-at-home Mom of 6 kids ... there were no routine chores and no structure.

Xenium = Jay hasn't treated me as an equal in regards to chores. They're a 'woman's' job is his attitude, as that's how he was brought up. His sisters helped his Mom, not him nor his brothers.

People = Jay is perfectly capable of doing what I've asked of him ... he's chosen not to!

Everyone = In the past I've mentioned that just 10 minutes/day is all he needs to devote to keeping up with chores while I'm gone. He hasn't had the desire and I think this past week he finally did!

Resistance = I think Jay resisted helping me because I was 75% of the time yelling because I was frustrated. Throughout life circumstances the past few years we've disconnected from each other. I expressed my feelings calmly before I left a week ago, and I think he realized or relationship would improve if he'd just give a little.

The = I've sounded like a broken record, complaining about the same things all the time. I think Jay finally understood I wasn't asking him to do everything ... I was asking for 50/50 help. I think I finally spoke his language ... it's only taken me 13 years lol

Coach = I acknowledged his efforts

Only = I thanked him for doing what he done

Accept = I totally accepted his efforts in helping me. Things weren't complete, but he'd started them, and that's an improvement from the past!

Communication = I told him I'd fold his laundry and he could finish his chore by putting everything away when he gets home from work today.

Honesty = While i praised him for his efforts, acknowledged what he had done, I did point out it wasn't finished. I also pointed out I had no issue "helping" him complete his laundry. He showed effort, so will I. It's having to do it all that's been the issue.

Hopefully this instance isn't just a 1 time thing. I'm hoping that by calmly discussing this he will continue to improve. By him improving his outlook on chores I'm hoping our lines of communication will continue to flourish ... and bring us closer together like we used to be.

I will look for signs in other instances in my life too, as I'm sure there's a lot!!! This is just what transpired recently so of course it's fresh in my mind 🙃

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