Expert Coach Accelerator Breakthrough part 2 · Expert Coach Certification

Expert Coach Accelerator Breakthrough part 2

I did it!

i drove the 2.5 hours to see my dad... i was crying just about the whole way there....

i was crying because i realized that all the pain and suffering that i had spent the past 8 months in was all because of a lie that i was holding onto....and that it was all about to change and that what i truly wanted in my life was so accessible if only i was willing to do the work and be honest with myself....

When I shared the letter with my dad it went so smoothly and perfectly it was truly magical.....

i got to my parents house at about 9pm and everybody was surprised to see me, my girlfriend and my daughter....

my brother, sister and mother started playing with my daughter and my dad was sitting on the couch looking at his phone like he usually was at that time....

as it had been for the past 8 months, we didn't greet one another or make any eye contact....

i had the letter in my pocket and i pulled it out and was just holding it.... nervous and just waiting for the right moment....

after about seven minutes or so of talking with my brother, sister and mother.... my mom could see that i was still holding onto this piece of paper and kind of staring at it so she says "what's the paper for?"

i say timidly its a letter i wrote for dad....

she looks at my dad and tells him i wrote something for him.... he looks up from his phone for the first time and says "you wrote something for me?"

i move over in front of him and say "yeah i've been doing some therapy and i wrote you this letter"

he says "therapy? like marriage counseling?"

i say "yeah something like that"

and then proceed to read him my letter:

Dad,

I have been lying that you are the bad guy in my life and that you don’t love me and that you want to hold me back in my life and that you want to see me fail.

When the truth is that I have been ungrateful for everything you have done for me such as choosing to adopt me, raising me, taking care of me, and providing for me my whole life. The truth is that the strength that I have today is because of you. All the good things that I have in my life are because of you. And the truth is that I love you and the truth is that you love me more than I know.

The cost of the lie that I have been living in is that we don’t have a good relationship, and I have been holding myself back from becoming the man that I want to be. The cost of the lie is that I haven't been able to live my best life, and I haven't been able to live up to my true potential.

What’s been missing is my appreciation and gratefulness for all the love that you have given to me.

Moment to moment I am committing to being grateful and thankful for the love that you have given to me all my life and for the love that you have for me everyday. You do so much for so many people and I know that is not always appreciated. So I want you to know that I truly appreciate you and that I love you and I am grateful that you chose to be my dad, and that you chose me to be your son.

Thank you Dad, I love you.

i make eye contact with him as i say the last i love you...

he was laying down when i first started reading the letter and he sat up halfway through and i could tell that he was moved by it...

after i finished the letter he got up said thank you and i love you and gave me a hug and told me how much he appreciated the letter....

......what a relief!

Honestly reading him the letter was the easiest part of the whole experience....

Getting over my own internal block was really the only thing holding me back from having a good relationship with my father....

and i guess that's what coaching is truly all about....

having somebody just tell you the truth from a different perspective and help you to realize the truth from your own perspective as well....

I was carrying this feeling around that my dad hated me because we hadn't spoken in over 8 months....

but when

@Ed JC Smith

just straight up told me the truth and said "he doesn't hate you" it just totally broke down all my walls and removed my blocks because i was just like....

that's true..... he doesn't hate me..... and i know that.... but i've been telling myself this lie for the past 8 months because i was hurt that he hadn't spoken to me even after my daughter being born....

and after i read the letter to him and he said he really appreciated it and that it brought tears to his eyes, said thank you i love you and gave me a hug....

he also said, "you know the past couple times that you've been over here i just didn't know what to say to you, i just didn't have the words, because i knew that i had already said so much and it just felt like no matter what i said you were just going to do whatever you wanted to do so i just didn't say anything"

so from his perspective he didn't speak to me because he felt like no matter what he said it didn't change the way i would behave so he thought maybe it would be better if he was just silent and let me figure it out on my own.....

but from my perspective i just created this big thing about him hating me for being a failure and having to move back home at the age of 27 with my pregnant girlfriend....

in all honesty i just put on this victim mindset and it really was hurting me, hurting my relationship, and keeping me back from becoming the best version of myself.....

now that everything has happened....

looking back at myself....

i realize that this is how most things are in life....

a big misunderstanding that gets blown way out of proportion because neither party wants to put their ego aside and take the first step, take responsibility and ownership of the situation, forgive, and create a better future for everybody involved....

i look at myself and see all of the pain that i experienced because of the lie i was telling myself....

a part of me wants to say i experienced all of that pain for no reason but that would be a lie too.... because all of that pain has led me to having this truly amazing experience of reconciliation, forgiveness and love with my dad...

it has truly been amazing..... and its still not over...

i know that this is just the first step and that there is still work to be done to maintain the good relationship with my dad...

and also the work to be done with my biological father who is in prison for the rest of his life for killing my mother on my 5th birthday.....

i think i need to write him a letter too.....

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