"Ed, you BUTCHERED that coaching session." · Expert Coach Certification

"Ed, you BUTCHERED that coaching session."

I got an interesting email yesterday.

After running a live breakthrough coaching session with few hundred coaches in attendance, one of the attendees sent me some rather "direct" feedback.

So I want to share the full exchange with you.

Because there's a powerful lesson here about running a coaching business.

Here's what she wrote:

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Hi Ed,

Thanx for this - I appreciate it and was curious to see how you do it.

I gotta say... you kinda butchered that session. ;) You hit a deep traumatized part - holding a terrible experience - there is no good intent behind it - it's just the darkness that needs to be witnessed and released.

Your insistence with that good intent question only triggered another part, a compensatory one or counteractive (perhaps the mask) coming up with "the right answer" - also frozen, spaced out, if you were to look at her face.

You might say... as long as it works. It may have the illusion of working in the moment, but that's why clients (also coaches) end up in years of therapy - and that's why therapy is the recommendation for deep trauma.

So unless you're well versed in working with trauma it's a bandaid at best and retraumatizing at worst. I've seen this numerous times.

Hope you can recognize it and take it well. It takes a lot to do smth like this live - so I can appreciate that. Also if this was spontaneous - you never know what you might run into with volunteers.

You're remarkable at sales and presentations though. Hands down.

===

Pretty spicy, right? 🌶️

Here's how I responded:

***

Thanks so much for your message, NAME. I really appreciate you taking the time to send it to me.

And so honest... butchered lol

Your inner supervisor came in hot with that one!

I respect your high standards though. At the same time, it’s always interesting noticing which parts of us are activated in the witnessing too.

I get where you’re coming from. When trauma shows up, it needs space, not interpretation. My approach in that moment came from a place of curiosity and care, not trying to fix, but gently explore.

Still, I can appreciate how certain questions might feel too sharp or premature depending on what’s present for you.

Doing this kind of work live, especially spontaneously, is always a dance, and I don’t pretend to have it all nailed. I do my best to help where I can in those moments.

I’m always open to feedback, and I also hold space for the fact that there’s more than one lens, even among practitioners.

Truly, thank you for sharing

***

Now... here's why I'm sharing this with you.

Running a coaching business isn't just about helping people.

It's about handling feedback, criticism, and sometimes even attacks.

And how you respond matters…

A lot!

Notice what I did in my response:

- I acknowledged her perspective without getting emotional or defensive

- I validated her expertise while maintaining my own

- I showed appreciation for the feedback