Nov '25 • All Members Post Here
Client wanted to pick a fight… so I did this instead
Just landed in Bali!
We’re here for our Healed Transformational Retreat.
Super excited and can’t wait to get started and meet everyone who’s flown out.
Plus it’s nice and hot here so it’s a welcome break from London!
Which, funnily enough… brings me to the topic of today’s email:A “hot” coaching situation I had to deal with recently :-)
You see, one of my relationship coaching clients (let's call her Jenny) was dealing with her “difficult” 92-year-old mother.
And Jenny came into our Zoom session ready for battle 😅
"I don't want to take responsibility for my mother's shit!" she told me. "She was the adult, I was the child."
"I've accepted her exactly as she is."
But when I dug deeper, she admitted she still blamed her mother for everything.
Now, most coaches would've tried to argue with her and to convince her she was wrong.
(Good luck with that when someone's in that state...)
Instead, I just asked:
"Can you both accept someone AND blame them at the same time?"
That's when something shifted.
Because questions expose contradictions in a way arguments never can.
When you argue with a client's position, they dig in deeper.
But when you help them spot their own contradictions through questions... they have to confront what they actually believe.
Jenny had to face the fact that she was stuck in a child-to-child pattern of communication with her mother.
She thought she'd "accepted" the situation… but in reality she was still trapped in blame.
Just by helping her see this contradiction, we opened up a completely new pathway for healing.
No arguing required.
All it takes is the right questions at the right time.
Which is how real breakthroughs happen… even when you’re dealing with a stubborn, angry, or hot headed client.
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Client wanted to pick a fight… so I did this instead
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