I have an abandonment wound that causes me to put up a wall and keep working on myself non stop, becoming a better man constantly in search of approval and validation.
I want to feel a sense of power where I once felt incredibly powerless and abandoned. This is simply a reaction to that.
It is similar to a nice guy / people pleasing pattern that wants to make myself happy by pleasing people and getting their validation. I am able to feel safe in this survival pattern. The avoidance of conflict to manage others emotions to keep them from leaving.
What would love feel like if I didn’t have to earn it ? It would feel magnetic, wonderful, transcendent, otherworldly. And complete. The trick is to stay in this energy and attract the love.